Time Away

"Everybody needs a little time away..."

Ever had the words of a song stuck in your head only it is not the whole song it is a phrase maybe two? If you listen to the entire song it would not relate to you at all but that certain flow of words tells your story. This is mine.

I need to get away. I need space away from the people around me. I need a reprieve from work. I need new surroundings. I desire the thrill of the unknown. I can't get away fast enough. I can't get far enough away. I try to run but I am caught. I try to hide but still I am haunted. After all how do you outrun yourself? One day I realized I was the problem. Now all I need to do is find a way to fix it.

Fading

It faded like the morning dew on a summer's day. Faith it had once been an integral part of your being and then it was gone.

Confidence in the world around you disappears like the sun before a spring rain shower. You pray that somewhere on this planet there is a place where preconceived notions, prejudice, and hate don't coexist with people who aspire to make life miserable.

Trust in family and friends vanishes as one by one they disappoint you. You never imagined they would desert you as your worst nightmare comes true. Apprehension sets in as your wide eyes scan the mortals living around you questioning their intentions.

Belief in a God that you have been told loves you evades your acceptance. Common sense battles invisible being, you won't risk another let down so you chose to not believe.

Dependence on one's own self fades out like the end of your favorite song taking with it the pleased feeling. Your daily walk called life becomes a stumble. It would appear you can't do anything right at all. Work, relationships, responsibilities, and health begin to suffer as pressure is poured on. Eventually you cave in no longer walking but crawling.

We all walk through these times of doubt. Our world seems to be crumbling around us as we question where our life is going. Everything we touch seems to fall to the floor shattering into millions of non retrievable pieces as we ponder the reasons for going on. We want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over our heads, and pray for a new day.

A ray of light breaks through the thick fog you swear surrounds you. One voice arrives to reassure you. One face emerges to cheer you up. All of the sudden that brand new day is upon you, a joyous outlook to a once bleak view. Circumstances that once tore you down have not disappeared you just found new ways to conquer them. People who once chipped away at your spirit no longer hold any power over you.

It may seem like that ray of light is a long way off. You may think you are taking on the world by yourself. You are tired and weak. Rest assured you are not alone. You never have been and never will be.

You Failed

You tried to steal our pride but you did not succeed. You attempted to remove our feelings of security and you failed. You strived to cripple our way of life but it will recover the injuries you caused. You did your best to kill our spirit but you only grazed it. You endeavored to bring us to our knees but you couldn’t. You, in your cowardly fashion, killed thousands and wounded many more but we will heal. You thought you could prove your strength but you only showcased your fright. You might have believed that you had us where you wanted us but you under estimated the power of a united people. You did succeed in some areas. You managed to awake a nation to realize its full potential. You opened the hearts of a compassionate people. You brought into play a mighty power. You can’t have the strength, unity, grace, and pride of this country. Try as you might you aren’t able to pull us apart because no matter what you might attempt to do we are a mighty nation. You failed.

Would You Still Love Me?

Would you still love me if I told you I am not who you think I am? Would you still accept me if I told you my secret? Would you stand by my side after I confessed? Would our friendship remain intact if I revealed myself to you? Would you treat me differently? Would you learn to love the real me? Tomorrow if the image you hold of me was destroyed would you still love me?

This Gift

I hold in my hand a gift. A part of me desires to give it to you but another part of me fights to hold onto it. My other hand reaches over and covers it up.

I look at it once again before looking over at you. This gift is too fragile to just hand over with careless abandon. It will not take much to break it. It is a tender gift and the concept of bestowing it to you is a terrifying thought.

Will you guard it with the abandon that I have? Would you treasure it? Will you make this gift the most important entity in your life? Would you value it for its whole worth?

Do you understand how delicate it is? Crystal has nothing on the frailty of my gift. This gift can only take so much of a beating. It will rebound but eventually it will shatter if not guarded properly.

You look in my eyes and I see understanding shining in them. The realization of the severity of such a gift makes you nervous. Slowly your confidence returns. I open my hand and impart my gift to you. You devote yourself to caring for it endlessly. I sigh in relief as I dedicate my heart to you.

I Am Blessed

Slowly I awake from my slumber. My senses become alive and I turn to look at you. I know exactly where you are, you are always there. Moonlight provides the backdrop as I adjust to the darkness to make out your profile. Your chest rises and falls with each breath as vital to me as it is to you.

A smile makes its way to my face as I recognize what the man beside me means to me. Your eyes that are shut to the world know will be dancing with the love of life when you open them. My hand slowly brushes your cheek. You moan before turning to rest your head on the palm of my hand. The face of the man that I love is now framed in my hands. It is as beautiful in the darkness as it is in sunlight. This face that when smiling could light up a town in a blackout. This face that shows truth and sincerity could cause even the biggest cynic to trust.

Your hand reaches out to touch mine. These hands are so strong and yet so gentle. They aren't afraid of hard work or the caresses of an infant. My eyes travel down the body that reposes next to me. That body that has given me countless hours of protection. Wrapped in those toned arms the world only consists of two people.

You stir. Mumbling my name you pull me into those arms of refuge and love. I settle in to sleep away the rest of the night. Reinforced in my mind night after night as I study you is this, I am blessed.

A Dream? A Reality?

Ever wonder what dreams are all about? I don't mean the kind you have while you are sleeping I mean the burning desire to accomplish something so great that it drives you to pursue it. I have a dream, a wish, a fantasy. I want to write a book not just any book, a book to help people. A book that tells them they are not alone. A collection of words buried in truth to help them overcome pain and suffering while sharing the joy and laughter.

My wish consists not of money, fame, or power but of a young girl that might one day write me a letter. She might be a lot like me or she might be my complete opposite at that age. The words of the letter could be spelled wrong or maybe in a different language but the meaning would still hold true. It may be written in crayon on a piece of Lisa Frank stationary. Her letters might be deformed and her words crooked but the content would ring loud and clear bringing me more gratification than any accomplishment in the world.

She would thank me for having the courage to bear my soul to the world. The strength to show my personal pain, suffering and weakness while rejoicing in the triumphs of success and joy. Answers to questions some dare not voice and fears that some will never acknowledge are splashed across pages that she read late at night as she shed her own tears.

If she gave one example of how my life and writings changed hers my life would be worth all the pain and all the suffering I have endured.