Wasn't Meant To Be

You and I once spoke of what was meant to be. The convictions in your voice as you spoke of our future almost convinced me it would happen. Vows and a lifetime together were planned, but you and I weren't meant to be. I see the happiness in your eyes that I could never put there when you look at her. I hear your voice soften in awe as you speak of her with pride. I see the smile that escapes with the sound of her voice that I never caused. When she is around you slow down and savor every moment. You tell me of the future you foresee with her that you never desired with me. A lifetime of love, hopes, and dreams that I am not to be a part of.

You and I share an unique bond. A friendship that will last the ages exists between us. You and I will forever remain close but our lifetimes belong to others.

Inner Circle

Somehow the inner circle has been broken. The bond has frayed. The circle is unwinding. Things aren't the same anymore. With time comes change and you can't prevent the course of time but try as I might I can't watch this link unravel. It is too painful to just sit by and be ripped from those who know you inside and out while they fail to pay attention. Too much work has been put into this relationship to watch it die. Too many tears have been cried in sadness and happiness. Too many memories are filed away to turn your back on. Too many moments of déjà vu and the familiar to close your eyes and pretend that this tearing apart isn’t happening. Too many dreams that have seen fruition and too many dreams waiting to be conquered. Too many accomplishments mixed with failure to have not learned that this bond is unlike anything on Earth. Yet it is simply coming apart. One by one the bands begin to break and the bond weakens.

Sometimes no matter how hard you fight life battles you and overcomes. It can be painful but change has never been easy. As hard and long as you fight sometimes you can’t be victorious. Don’t let go easily but know when the time it right and it is worth standing strong in the heat of battle or calmly backing down.

This fight is worth it. You are worth it. You are my family. You are my friends. You are the ones who held me in my darkest time. You were the ones who celebrated with me in the best of times. You laughed with me. You cried with me. You stood beside me. You supported me. You are a part of who I am and I am not ready to let you go. I might die trying to win this fight but I refuse to surrender.

Reflections

Walking through a hall lined with mirrors your reflection stares back at you. It is your face you see, it isn't as you would like it to appear to your dismay. You look in one mirror and see someone who needs to shed a few pounds. The next mirror tells you that your face isn't anything more than ordinary. The next reflection you see points out to you the flaws in your skin. A floor to ceiling mirror tells the tale of a person who wishes to be a few inches taller. You moved down the hall looking in every mirror hoping for the one mirror that would give you reason to hold your head high. With each glance your self confidence takes another blow. Little by little you are reminded of what needs to be fixed or what could be improved. You wish you could stop looking. You want to run but something pulls you back to these mirrors that take note of you.

You stop when you see a reflection that shines. A person of indescribable beauty smiles back at you. You reach out to the image noting the happy glow. You recognize the dancing eyes as your own. Your hand runs down the length of the mirror noting the ideal height and weight. You take note of the smile that sparkles. The hair that bounces with each move frames a face that is inviting and loving and fulfilling.

You reach out to touch the image only to have it be replaced with the image on the one who sees you that way everyday. While you see the imperfections he is seeing the stunning beauty that he is so glad to call his own.

Single Drop

I would be content with a single drop of your love. That one lone drop would be more than enough to fulfill me. That solitary portion would bring me a lifetime of contentment and pleasure. You aren't happy to give me just one drop. You pour your love over me in abundance. An overload to every part of my being and yet you hold nothing back. You love the look of awe in my eyes as I admire your eagerness. Your willingness to not hold back is me with my determination to match you drop for drop. One solitary drop would be more than sufficient but neither one of us will ever stop there.

Forgotten

A dreary room sat neglected in the middle of a bustling household. Kept on their toes by business and pleasure the occupants rushed in and out. A thin layer of dust settled in the room that remained untouched for months.

Still, faded curtains hung in the windows unmoved as all the windows and doors were tightly shut. A worn throw rug lay over the dark, scratched floorboards. The bedspread perfectly spread over the torn sheets skimmed the floor as it hung from the sagging mattress. One would assume that the mattress should it ever be used would be lumpy and uncomfortable.

A ragged dress hung forgotten over the closet door. The out of date pattern splashed on the discolored fabric once boasted of the intricate detail the seamstress had handcrafted. A doll sat on the dresser next to a comb missing numerous teeth. The scratched drawers on the dresser were missing handles. A patch of sunlight passed through the dirt smudged windows illuminating a spot on the chair on the side of the bed. An open book lay neglected on its yellowing pages.

Life continued day after day for the people abiding in the house. They never paid attention to that room. It would more than likely one day be renovated replacing everything in it with the new and modern to hold the appeal that the rest of the house held. The up to date appliances, big screen TV, advanced technology held in the elegant sitting rooms and kitchen paled the desire to reside in the little room down the hall. That was the way of life.

Life continued until one day one of the occupants stood in the doorway of the little room. A look of amazement adorned her features as she stood transfixed in the doorway.

A lone flower graced the windowsill. It stood proud and tall in a refined vase. The purple hue of the delicate petals brought out the colors of the room. The rug seemed to come alive as the bedspread renewed the appearance of the bed. The dress hung a vivid display of quality. The worn chair held an invitation to the gathering group standing in the door. All of the sudden that which seemed dull and boring was fresh and alluring.

Everyday we pass over people much like that room was passed over. We look for the bright, splashy, modern. the beautiful. We seek the popular for status, power, position, or maybe because others seek them out.

Sometimes much like the flower brought a room to life it takes on instance, circumstance, or character trait to bring out those that have been overlooked. A light shines from inside their eyes as a never before seen glow makes an appearance.

Now it is up to us to decide whether to appreciate or to discard.

Forgiveness

We throw words in anger and wound each other's fragile heart. My frustration has boiled over and your impatience has gotten the better of you. I lashed out without thinking and scarred you. You retaliated and sliced a piece of my heart. Not to be outdone I threw your imperfections in your face. Your hot temper quickly tosses back a cutting reply. This goes on as tempers boil and tears fall. In a moment of total disgust you walk out the door. The door slams behind you and I stare at it amazed.

I slowly feel my world crumble. I fall to my knees as hope, joy, and comfort mock me from the memories that we have made together. My anger melts and desperation sets in. Worry soon shadows desperation. Are you coming back to me? I pick myself up off the floor and wrap a blanket around myself. Your presence was my sunshine and now it is bitter cold. Hours go by and slowly my emotionally drained body succumbs to the sleep that is beckoning me.

You timidly knock on the door. I allow you in and wait. Nervousness has frozen my body. Simultaneously we whisper "I'm sorry".

My darling you were forgiven before the fight began.

Life Goes On

Why is it that you can be in the middle of a large group of people and feel like you are the only person in this capacious planet? The noise could be thunderous and the entertainment riveting but yet there appears to be nothing or no one around you. It is as if all the colors of your surroundings are blackened out. Try as you might you can't shake the loneliness. It isn't for lack of trying or a half hearted effort but there seems to be no satisfaction or sense of completion. You face a sea of faces most of whom have a genuine concern or interest in your life, yet you can't seem to relate on a deep enough level to be fulfilling. You don't know what to do. You ask yourself time and time again if there is something wrong with you and if there was how do you fix it? You feel like you are watching a continuous movie that depicts life but you aren't a player. You badly desire to be written into the script but it appears that isn't gonna happen anytime soon. You resign yourself to being compared to the dog in the opening credits of Life Goes On. Ya know the one I am talking about, the one that they forgot to feed every week.