Changes

Come so quickly and in some ways so wonderfully, however this time change is met with a new feeling-fear.

Fear has washed over me. I should not be scared of something new after all I love change. At least I have always claimed to love it. It is not like I am not used to change after this past year. My life has been changed so drastically in the past year that this might be a positive new outlook.

In some ways a change could be bad or it could be good. It would change the way I approached day to day living while altering my lifestyle completely. Relationships, work, friends all is on the line depending on which path I choose to take.

The fear though spreads farther that just which choice do I make. A lot is riding on this. I mean I would be moving the length of the country. Leaving behind my family and new friends and distancing myself from my dearest friends by a thousand more miles at least. I am scared to leave. I am hurting too much to stay.

I wish there was a clear cut answer somewhere. I can't seem to find one though. The pros and cons balance each other out, the benefits equal the drawbacks, the future would be as unsure as the past was unsteady.

I need to swallow this fear and yet I can't. It is not that I don't want to it is that there is something stopping me. I can't describe it or deny it.