Self Righteous

You look and self righteously judge me not knowing my story. Every step that I take and every decision that I make you are right there, over my shoulder guessing my every move.

I walk on eggshells scared to make a mistake. Fear of failure does not paralyze me, the knowledge of disappointing does.

I juggle task and emotion. I battle to do everything for everybody to keep them happy while attempting to hold onto at least a piece of my sanity. Slowly my sanity begins to slip away but still I am expected to march on.

Fake smiles and a sincerity that I do not feel become second nature, all together too natural. I am now fighting day to day to keep my head above the water. I refuse to lose who I am. I hear the rumors. It does not take but a tiniest action from me to start a rumor that might one day crush me. Wrong or right it does not matter what the action.

The war for a sense of privacy rages. I only lose ground as it continues. Around every corner, over every wall people wait. You want to invade my personal space. You lurk in silence hoping to reach the innermost workings of my mind. You want to know my perfections, imperfections, and feelings. You have no right to them yet they are there to broadcast the "latest happenings" in my life. You don't care who finds out, what they find out, or if it is the truth. All that matters to you is that you know something others don't.

Do you wonder who I am? I am not a celebrity, actor, musician, royalty, or millionaire. I am a plain jane, your normal everyday teen with a normal everyday job and parents who are normal everyday people. Why do people have a fascination with my life? I don't have a clue. I've never presented myself as anything great. My accomplishments are not all that dazzling.

I honestly believe it is human nature. The human mind needs someone or something to concentrate on. The human ego needs someone to compare to. They want a picture of perfection to idolize. They desire someone who is not perfect to make their appearance slightly closer to perfect. I will never understand the thought process behind tearing another apart to build oneself up. The reasoning behind that baffles me.