Delusion

I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or throw something right now. Have I been deceived? All this time I that I believed I was at least average if not on my way to higher than the normal was I fooling myself?

In one day I've been branded irresponsible, lazy, and unimpressive. Whoopee my worst nightmare come true. Now, all I need is to hear that I am unlikable, a bore, or revolting and my day is complete.

A year ago I rose above all that had tried to hinder me. An irate manager with more mood swings than a pregnant woman, a preconceived notion that said that I would never be able to accomplish the task before me, a label that branded me a "no good teenager" to stand victorious. I rose above it all to be told that I turned a monstrous job into a quick, easy flowing, painless undertaking. I was informed that I had handled the duty better than people twice my age who had tried before me. My employees enjoyed themselves, seemed to like me, and were pleasantly on their way when all was said and done.

Today I sat in an office the forces against me stronger this time. Everything that I had worked for in the last job all that I had achieved vanished as I was told in so many words to quit or be fired. I just don't understand it. I did all that I was given to do and then some. I finished my work accurately and efficiently in record time. Had I made mistakes? Yes. Did I correct them? Yes. Did I learn from them? Yes. Then why the prejudice? Why had I made it onto the "black list" of "people who we want gone but don't have the guts to do anything about"?

In all honesty I don't want to quit. I want to prove them wrong by all that is within me. I know I could do it too. They have not seen a force to be reckoned with quite like me.

Why don't I? In complete sincerity they are not worth my time, energy, or effort. They have chips on their shoulders, inflated egos, power trips, or just plain anger that they need to deal with. I would love the challenge of showing them exactly how wrong they are but this is not a lesson for me to teach.

Sometimes the price of being right is too hefty. I have enough other factors in my life to deal with. It is no skin off my back what they think of me. I am sure the office will be a buzz tomorrow but do I care-no. The emotional drain, mental games, morally stifling work environment that I am leaving behind will not be missed. Some of my coworkers will be, they are not at fault for this. I wish them all the success and joy in the world.

I am off to greener pastures. Will the road be tough? Yes. Will there be days I want to give up? Maybe so. The concept of being me and expanding my horizons will make it all worth it. The return of my creative flow and challenged mind will reward me. The price is small for a much greater reward.