Self-doubt

What prompted this honesty?  Truthfully?  I battled a lot of self-condemnation recently.  Why?  Because there is no harder critic than your own self.

I've reached the age where I wonder more often than I should what God's plan for me is.  By this I mean is there a guy/wedding/marriage in my future.  At 13 if you'd told me that I'd be 31 and unmarried, my younger self would have laughed maniacally at you and told you to wait to be proven wrong.   Now at 31 I wrestle with self-doubt.  

What is wrong with me?  Am I not loveable?  Am I not attractive?  Is there something wrong with my personality?   Should I lose weight?  Cut my hair?  Wear flatter shoes?  Wear higher heels?  Wear more skirts?  

Logically, I know none of those things are the proper answer to the improper question.  When the doubt takes over though they are all the answer.  

Then I start to wonder if maybe I missed "him."  After all I could have been going through life at 75 mph as I normally do and jetted right by.  I view the world through the viewfinder of my camera and maybe he was just off to the side and I didn't have a wide enough lens.  Then I think of the "him(s)" that I had in my life and I know that I haven't missed the boat with any of them.  Which brings about the accusation that I am just too picky and need to chill out.  

Logically, I know this is not it either.  The problem comes when I try to apply logic to the emotional side of me and that emotional side rears its ugly head.  Emotionally I can convince myself that it is me.  It isn't that it wasn't the right time or in that moment that God's plan was still percolating for my love life.  I believe that if I change myself that I can create opportunities for those dreams to come true.

Yet, I know that it isn't for me to write my story.  God has been planning, plotting, and executing since before I was born.  I need to silence the lies of the devil and remember a few key verses.  The best way to improve my chances of marriage is to draw closer to God and walk in the truth that I am "fearfully and wonderfully" made by His hands.

Firethorn

The final installment of Ronie Kendig's Discarded Heroes Series.
Nightshade
Digitalis
Wolfsbane
Firethorn


Nightshade has operated under the radar. No one knows of their existence. They've gone where no other military team has gone before. Except someone knows they exist. Griffin Riddell has been sent to prison for a murder he didn't commit. While in jail Nightshade headquarters is attacked and the team is separated. Some are sent to countries where they will be punished for their crimes. One is being held in a hospital with life-threatening injuries. Two are underground and no one has any idea how to contact them including their wives.

Kazi Faron breaks Griffin out of prison and they go on a hunt around the world to reunite Nightshade. As the layers are peeled back, things aren't what they seem. Has a member of Nightshade been a mole? Who leaked information that no one but the team would know?

This explosive and thrilling final chapter is impossible to put down. I needed to know that all of Nightshade was well and who could have possibly been targeting them. The ending is realistic - too realistic - I cried.

Look for Kendig's Military War Dog series coming soon.

Blowing up perception

If you've read any posts prior to this one, you'll notice that I've waxed poetic, critiqued, rambled, and essentially subjected you to more words than you've probably cared to read.  Things aren't about to change.

However, this blog is about to take a turn.  Not really a 180 or even a 90.  There will probably be more posts than before and while the book reviews and randomness will continue, there will be more concentration on real life.

I've recently become impassioned by a handful of separate incidents but they all were linked by a common thread.  I'm highly annoyed and frustrated by the false appearances that Christians seem to exhibit but also demand.  The world has this impression that Christians are boring and perfect and close-minded and the list goes on.  Christians have this impression that the only way to be a good Christian is to be perfect.  Our role models are to be perfect.  Our pastors are to be perfect.  We are to be perfect.

I'm here to tell you that I am not perfect.  I am a Christian. I am saved by grace and I struggle with sin daily.  As my friend tells me I have a potty mouth.  It is true; I won't lie.  I also am not always courteous with my thoughts and as today was a great example I definitely had un-Christian thoughts towards some of my co-workers.  I struggle with self-doubt.  I internalize pain.  I've been known to have a drink or two and depending on your circle that to some is not very Christian-like.

The truth is that Christians are human just like you and everyone else on this planet.  I'm tempted.  I anger.  I feel pain.  I say things I don't mean.  I need to ask forgiveness and I need to grant forgiveness.  Two of my good friends have said things to me that make me realize that our perceptions can be wrong.  One of my friends asked me if I ever wanted to have sex or if being a pastor's kid meant I was never tempted.  The other compared me to Jamie Sullivan of A Walk to Remember and as I told her 20 minutes later when she knew me better she wouldn't think that anymore.

In the future you'll find more honest, revealing posts.  I'm not out to prove or justify my sinful nature.  If I can help one person rethink their perceptions on Christians then I'll have exceeded my hopes.

Wolfsbane

The third book in Ronie Kendig's Discarded Heroes Series.
Nightshade
Digitalis
Wolfsbane

Sibling rivalry. When you grow up in a large household it is bound to be there. When one brother is a Coast Guard, Range, and the other appears to be a surfer, Canyon, then a clear victor is chosen. However, Dani Roark is about to throw the balance out of whack.

Dani is held for months, tortured, and raped in Venezuela. Her proudest moment is when she sneaks a memory stick with all the information necessary to put an end to her captors. She is picked up by Range and the Coast Guard during patrols. Her victorious moments are short-lived as she deals with the fall out of her imprisonment and then has to testify.

Canyon's Nightshade team is picked to go back to Venezuela with Dani. Canyon and Dani are separated from the rest of the team and the danger mounts.

Will one woman come between two brothers? What other secret is Canyon about to find has been kept from him?

Set aside a couple of days. You'll not want to put the book down once you start reading.

Digitalis

Digitalis is the second book in Ronie Kendig's Discarded Heroes Series following Nightshade

Colton Neeley is a member of Max Jacob's Nightshade. Cowboy is a Marine. According to him he is a damaged cowboy whose joy comes from his daughter, Mickey. Oh and he likes to hang out at a department store and catch glimpses of Piper Blum. As Piper and Colton venture down the path of discovery will Piper's past destroy everything that Colton has built? As Nightshade intervenes to save Piper can Cowboy forgive her?

Ronie Kendig is gifted. Many authors use the words "hero" when describing series. However, Kendig's characters are heroes. They are the men and women who fight for our freedom daily. The battle wounds they carry can be deep and yet their courage and bravery is unmatched. Grab the Discarded Heroes Series and understand our service men and women better. Then go tell them "thank you."

Nightshade

http://roniekendig.com/

Nightshade is a story about a man lost.  Max has no direction after leaving the Navy SEALS.  He lost his purpose when his anger drove his wife, Sydney, to file for divorce.  He's recruited to a covert team that will be completing missions that no government agency will touch.  He reluctantly joins the team and concedes the divorce without a fight.

Sydney is a broken-hearted woman.  Sydney is now pregnant and a few months from her divorce being final.  She hasn't told Max about his child.  Her family pushes her farther away from Max with their support.  Sydney is earning though to find the man she married and give her baby a father.  She buries her head in the sand concerning her own life and throws herself into her journalistic duties.

Max's missions take him all over the world rescuing the helpless in areas untouched by civilization.  Sydney gets wind of a story of a survivor of a brutal village attack.  Max and Sydney living their lives separate from each other are drawn into the other's world.  Sydney's investigating takes her into the very center of Max's latest mission.   As Max fights to save lives, Sydney and Max fight to save their relationship.

Kendig orchestrates a suspenseful tale full of heart.  Sydney is a woman torn between her desire to protect herself and her desire to love and be loved by her husband.  Max is a man who has seen too much, done too much.  They both fight the past and what it means for their future.  Max while viewing himself as a monster is a sympathetic hero.  Someone asked to do what no one should be asked to do and yet he has gone and done it repeatedly.

I'm ready to move on to the second book in the series Digitalis.

Deadly Pursuit

Irene Hannon continues her Guardians of Justice series with Deadly Pursuit. 

Alison Taylor has attracted some unwanted attention. Someone is calling and not identifying themselves. Alison doesn't give much thought to the phone calls until they become more frequent and gifts start appearing on her door. One night she returns from a date with Detective Mitch Morgan and he doesn't easily brush the gifts off.  Soon Alison's brothers, Cole and Jake are involved. Who could be stalking Alison and what do they want? Despite taking all precautions Alison is kidnapped.  Can Mitch and Cole save her?

Hannon dazzles again with another story of intrigue and action. Continuing the story of the Taylor siblings, the Guardians of Justice shows us the sacrifice it takes someone to fight daily and the risks they are taking.