"I have high standards."
"It is ok to be picky and keep high standards."
"Don't settle!"
Those three statements and any variation regarding high standards are the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to me. While the general idea of high standards isn't a deplorable one, I believe it is a safety net for many people. It is the pat answer when adult singles explain why they aren't married. It is a blanket statement when problems within a relationship can't be identified.
I don't believe you should settle. I believe you should have God's standards.
I do believe you should have standards, but they should be driven by an intimate relationship with God. Over the past few weeks I have been helping a friend through a difficult season in her relationship. As a single thirty-something I mostly don't feel qualified to offer advice. However, I possess two amazing parents who gifted me with a childhood immersed in God's presence. As an adult I had to make the personal choice to maintain my relationship with God or let it go by the wayside. Thankfully despite the increased distance between God and I at times, He has always welcomed me back with open arms. While I don't have a marriage to give me practical experience to garner wisdom from, I do believe God gives us the wisdom to discern when we can't determine up from down. I do believe there is sufficient evidence in the Bible that settling is not what God has for any of us.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
However, we need to identify what "settling" means. Settling is what happens when you choose someone because you are impatient waiting for God's timing. Settling is when you know compromise on God's plan for your life. Settling is what happens when you tell God the what-what instead of listening for His guidance. Settling is what happens when you don't see a hope and a future so you find your own future.
"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you..."
Isaiah 43
If you prefer to call it high standards, I won't stop you. Maybe I'm picky. Maybe I'm a dating snob. Maybe I'm exlusive. Maybe I'm setting the bar too high. I am okay with whichever way you choose to describe my unwillingness to compromise on God's standards. The plans God has for me far outweigh whatever I could dream up for myself.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Thursday, June 2, 2016
What's the big gesture?
I get irritated with my friends a lot. I get irritated with books and movies even more. I really get irritated by influential bloggers who are educated on relationships by TV shows.
The following dialogue is from Chasing Liberty which sets the scene for the final swoon moment before "they lived happily ever after" scrolls and the credits roll.
The following dialogue is from Chasing Liberty which sets the scene for the final swoon moment before "they lived happily ever after" scrolls and the credits roll.
"My father was always at work. Never at home. My mother wanted him to make the
big gesture."
"What's the big gesture?"
"You know 'I'll quit for you. I'll stay home for you, darling.' But he didn't.
Because... Well, people don't really do that, do they?"
I have no problems with Chasing Liberty. I probably watch the movie once every year or year
and a half. It is an entertaining hour and a half. However, it is entertaining and not a lesson on
life, love, and behaving like a President's daughter.
If you are waiting for Prince Charming to perform a grand gesture so you can wear glass slippers
and a pretty dress, I fear you will be waiting a long time. A successful relationship doesn't require
an overwhelming act of sacrifice to be sustainable. A declaration of love isn't more true because
it was dragged on a banner behind a plane. The feelings aren't deeper because they are sung
rather than said.
A cliche which happens often in entertainment is the musician boyfriend writing a song for his
girlfriend. A moment like this may be considered a gesture. However, as someone who has had
two guys write songs for her, I can tell you it isn't as romantic as the movies make it out to be. It
can be awkwardly painful when it leaves you speechless because running away screaming isn't
an acceptable response and neither is pretending to feel the same because of the romance
of the moment.
I hear "I love you" when a guy watches a movie I know he has zero interest in and does it
without complaining. I say "I love you" by listening to his music in the car. I hear "I love you"
when he carries more of the grocery bags than I do. I say "I love you" when I surprise him with
a coffee. I hear "I love you" when he picks a restaurant he knows I like.
If we are always waiting on a grand gesture, we are missing the moments which add up to a
wonderful relationship. A grand gesture sometimes is nothing more than a desperate plea to
save that which is already beyond repair.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Deflategate isn't about shrunken footballs...
The more I think about Deflategate, the more I realize the issue is larger than unaltered footballs losing some PSI in January in New England. We probably wouldn't be inundated with more Deflategate stories if Goodell would put away his ruler. However, another NFL off season is going to be spent saying "balls" to the entertainment of pre-teen boys everywhere, but we won't be referring to footballs.
The ramifications of Deflategate are going to be felt for years. However, they probably will be most volatile and intrusive when negotiations begin for the new CBA around 2020. You see Roger Goodell recently let us know Tom Brady's punishment wasn't about an actual infraction (Of which there is no proof of guilt) but of The inflation of Goodell's balls.
The ramifications of Deflategate are going to be felt further than the mockery Goodell has made being commissioner of the most popular sport. You see Article 46 in the hands of someone who truly cared about the reputation of the NFL would be honored, revered, and respected. Article 46 in the hands of someone with integrity wouldn't be the first item on the table when negotiations start.
Instead Article 46 will probably be the catalyst for another volatile negotiation between the NFLPA and NFL. Goodell's actions are going to neuter future commissioners. When the future Greg Hardys and the Ray Rices of the NFL stand before any commissioner AGSU (After Goodell's Screw Ups), they will face a commissioner emasculated by Goodell.
Who is going to suffer?
The fans who will wonder if a CBA will be reached. The unprecedented Article 46 will be tightly held by the NFL because they won't want to cede the power. The NFLPA will be seeking fairness and accountability of which there currently isn't any.
The children with dreams. Tom Brady was once beloved. His Cinderella story was embraced by every athlete dreaming of their own fairy tale. The 199th pick gets a chance to play a few games. His drive and determination kept him under center and propel him to the Hall of Fame.
The parents. Every parent who has ever wanted to believe their child is capable of greatness. Every parent who deals with a coach who tells their child they aren't good enough. Once upon a time they could have told the story of Tom Brady and how no one believed in him, but he believed in himself.
The stereotype of the dumb jock. Goodell's message is science doesn't matter. Football is more important and doesn't follow the rules as science dictates them. Science has no place in football.
Teachers. Everyone who has spent time and money on educating children. The idea what they learn in school will transcend to their adult life.
The players who will play in fear of when the target may hit their back. Rest assured if you are a child abuser, woman abuser, drug addict, or drunk you probably can breath easy. After all these actions are expected of professional athletes. If you are a mostly stand-up guy who doesn't have more than a speeding ticket to your name, then you had better fear the Commissioner.
The reality is if Goodell had the balls he believes he does, he would concede the science proves there was no tampering. He was wrong. A man is capable of identifying when he is wrong and admitting it. Goodell keeps digging in and proving deflated balls weren't a one-time occurrence is January 2015. The natural deflation which took place in the winter in New England wasn't caused by any person. Goodell's current inflation problem is all on him.
There is no coming back from this for Goodell. As a football fan I am tired of paying the price for his buffoonery. As a female fan, I am tired of being disrespected by the League. As an intelligent person, I am tired of the League continuing the trope of sports and brains don't coincide. As a human being, I hate the downward spiral society is taking.
My love of football wanes every off season. Especially when the League has plenty of other ambassadors for the stereotypes. The League doesn't need Goodell to perpetuate the stupid.
The ramifications of Deflategate are going to be felt for years. However, they probably will be most volatile and intrusive when negotiations begin for the new CBA around 2020. You see Roger Goodell recently let us know Tom Brady's punishment wasn't about an actual infraction (Of which there is no proof of guilt) but of The inflation of Goodell's balls.
The ramifications of Deflategate are going to be felt further than the mockery Goodell has made being commissioner of the most popular sport. You see Article 46 in the hands of someone who truly cared about the reputation of the NFL would be honored, revered, and respected. Article 46 in the hands of someone with integrity wouldn't be the first item on the table when negotiations start.
Instead Article 46 will probably be the catalyst for another volatile negotiation between the NFLPA and NFL. Goodell's actions are going to neuter future commissioners. When the future Greg Hardys and the Ray Rices of the NFL stand before any commissioner AGSU (After Goodell's Screw Ups), they will face a commissioner emasculated by Goodell.
Who is going to suffer?
The fans who will wonder if a CBA will be reached. The unprecedented Article 46 will be tightly held by the NFL because they won't want to cede the power. The NFLPA will be seeking fairness and accountability of which there currently isn't any.
The children with dreams. Tom Brady was once beloved. His Cinderella story was embraced by every athlete dreaming of their own fairy tale. The 199th pick gets a chance to play a few games. His drive and determination kept him under center and propel him to the Hall of Fame.
The parents. Every parent who has ever wanted to believe their child is capable of greatness. Every parent who deals with a coach who tells their child they aren't good enough. Once upon a time they could have told the story of Tom Brady and how no one believed in him, but he believed in himself.
The stereotype of the dumb jock. Goodell's message is science doesn't matter. Football is more important and doesn't follow the rules as science dictates them. Science has no place in football.
Teachers. Everyone who has spent time and money on educating children. The idea what they learn in school will transcend to their adult life.
The players who will play in fear of when the target may hit their back. Rest assured if you are a child abuser, woman abuser, drug addict, or drunk you probably can breath easy. After all these actions are expected of professional athletes. If you are a mostly stand-up guy who doesn't have more than a speeding ticket to your name, then you had better fear the Commissioner.
The reality is if Goodell had the balls he believes he does, he would concede the science proves there was no tampering. He was wrong. A man is capable of identifying when he is wrong and admitting it. Goodell keeps digging in and proving deflated balls weren't a one-time occurrence is January 2015. The natural deflation which took place in the winter in New England wasn't caused by any person. Goodell's current inflation problem is all on him.
There is no coming back from this for Goodell. As a football fan I am tired of paying the price for his buffoonery. As a female fan, I am tired of being disrespected by the League. As an intelligent person, I am tired of the League continuing the trope of sports and brains don't coincide. As a human being, I hate the downward spiral society is taking.
My love of football wanes every off season. Especially when the League has plenty of other ambassadors for the stereotypes. The League doesn't need Goodell to perpetuate the stupid.
Friday, September 11, 2015
"Once a cheater always a cheater."
If you don't like football, you probably dislike social media today. The 2015 NFL season kicked off last night and less than an hour after the Patriots beat the Steelers we had the first accusation of cheating floated at the Patriots. They have since been cleared of any nefarious intentions, but the damage has already been done.
As a loyal Patriots fan I can see the steaming pile of poo from a mile away. It is easier to blame the Patriots for cheating than to recognize they outplayed you. If you leave Gronk wide open, you better be prepared to taken advantage of every trip to the Red Zone. When in the Red Zone you should play disciplined ball and not sit in the end zone with your toes out of bounds. You should probably put in a little extra work if you know the coach across from you is the best in the business.
However, there is something else which has been bouncing around in my mind for a while. Everyone is going to accuse the Patriots of cheating because they have a history of cheating. It doesn't matter that yourteamcheats.com places them 22 out of 32 teams. The Patriots are "notorious" for cheating and "outrageous in their flaunting of the rules."
Reputation matters if you are going to be tried by the media and your peers. If you are standing before Jesus Christ, He cares not for your history. He's prepared to purify your sins and wash you whiter than snow.
Jesus doesn't want to excuse away your sins or cover them so you forget. He wants to rid you of them. They aren't meant to be brought up again. The hardest aspect of grace and forgiveness is overcoming the memories of our past. We should learn from our past, but not repeat our history. There are going to be new sins. It doesn't cancel out the forgiveness. New sins require fresh repentance, but are covered by the same grace.
Where most Christians lose their testimony is the hypocrisy they show. Saved by grace, but standing in judgement of others. I personally don't want to be my history.
As a loyal Patriots fan I can see the steaming pile of poo from a mile away. It is easier to blame the Patriots for cheating than to recognize they outplayed you. If you leave Gronk wide open, you better be prepared to taken advantage of every trip to the Red Zone. When in the Red Zone you should play disciplined ball and not sit in the end zone with your toes out of bounds. You should probably put in a little extra work if you know the coach across from you is the best in the business.
However, there is something else which has been bouncing around in my mind for a while. Everyone is going to accuse the Patriots of cheating because they have a history of cheating. It doesn't matter that yourteamcheats.com places them 22 out of 32 teams. The Patriots are "notorious" for cheating and "outrageous in their flaunting of the rules."
Reputation matters if you are going to be tried by the media and your peers. If you are standing before Jesus Christ, He cares not for your history. He's prepared to purify your sins and wash you whiter than snow.
Jesus doesn't want to excuse away your sins or cover them so you forget. He wants to rid you of them. They aren't meant to be brought up again. The hardest aspect of grace and forgiveness is overcoming the memories of our past. We should learn from our past, but not repeat our history. There are going to be new sins. It doesn't cancel out the forgiveness. New sins require fresh repentance, but are covered by the same grace.
Where most Christians lose their testimony is the hypocrisy they show. Saved by grace, but standing in judgement of others. I personally don't want to be my history.
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Will the NFL ever find its balls?
For 225 days deflated balls have been the main topic of conversation for the NFL. Deflategate dominated the two weeks leading up to the Super Bowl and the 211 days since. While Roger Goodell and his merry band of goons steadfastly hide behind deception and lies to keep Deflategate front and center, the fans of the NFL are deflected from the true deflated balls in the NFL.
On September 10th, 2015 there will be approximately 1,700 players representing 32 teams and not one man among them. Regardless of your thoughts on whether Tom Brady instructed a couple of Patriots' employees to stick a needle in a ball, a real man should be taking a stand against the mentality of the League. If there is a player, coach, owner, or ball boy truly concerned with the integrity of the League, Greg Hardy wouldn't have been signed. If a PR person, the Commissioner, or lawyers hope to gain some respect, they'll stop producing commercials to improve their image and become real men.
Wanted: a few good men of the NFL to take a stand for their mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, fiancees, cousins, housekeepers, assistants, and female fans.
I'm avoiding a tangent to discuss the sufficient credible evidence the NFL's investigation found which prompted a ten game suspension and the general awareness of a more probable than not for Brady's four game. It is a topic for a different post. If Judge Berman delays his decision too long I'm sure you'll be objected to it.Real men don't hide behind campaigns to salvage a tarnished image. Real men will earn respect by daily living a life of integrity and respect.
Harold Henderson acting as arbitrator reduced Greg Hardy's suspension from 10 games to 4 games. His reasoning as published on NFL.com "I find that the conduct of Hardy clearly violates the letter and spirit of any version of the (personal conduct policy) since its inception, and of the NFL Constitution and Bylaws long before then. The egregious conduct exhibited here is indefensible in the NFL," Henderson said in a statement obtained by NFL Media's Albert Breer. "However, ten games is simply too much, in my view, of an increase over prior cases without notice such as was done last year, when the 'baseline' for discipline in domestic violence or sexual assault cases was announced as a six-game suspension."
Currently Tom Brady and Greg Hardy are going to serve the same suspension. Brady was given a four game suspension for directing a Patriots' employee to let some air out of a football. Greg Hardy was involved in a domestic violence incident which left his now ex-girlfriend with "a range of injuries, including bruises and scratches on her neck, shoulders, upper chest, back, arms and feet."
The NFL suffers from deflated balls. A pair belongs to every player who will collect his paycheck while the League disrespects every female by equating their value with 1 PSI.
On September 10th, 2015 there will be approximately 1,700 players representing 32 teams and not one man among them. Regardless of your thoughts on whether Tom Brady instructed a couple of Patriots' employees to stick a needle in a ball, a real man should be taking a stand against the mentality of the League. If there is a player, coach, owner, or ball boy truly concerned with the integrity of the League, Greg Hardy wouldn't have been signed. If a PR person, the Commissioner, or lawyers hope to gain some respect, they'll stop producing commercials to improve their image and become real men.
Regardless of how Judge Berman rules there will be a reputation to save. Tom Brady might have to overcome the hollow cheating accusation, but I don't believe he will ever face abuse accusations. The NFL shield isn't used to protect women, but to protect those who abuse women. As long as you can throw, catch, or kick a football with some skill, you are welcome in the NFL regardless of the bruises you leave.
I may be idealistic, but I'd love to see some balls in the NFL inflated and some courage found. Where are the real men who will take a stand against the League? You don't have to support Brady to take issue with the demeaning mentality.
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
The NFL just sent a message
The NFL just sent a message to all female fans. I'm going to give you a rough translation.
"Ladies, we value a pigskin more than we do you and your safety. However, we'll gladly wear pink in October like we consider you more than just cheerleaders on the sidelines there for our viewing pleasure." Roger Goodell and the NFL.
I won't pretend I'm not pissed about Brady's suspension being upheld. I won't pretend I'm not seething Goodell more than likely sat around with his thumbs in his ears and waited until two days before training camp to break this news when he never intended on lessening the suspension. It is more probable than not the appeal was nothing more than Rog sitting on his throne using Brady as a court jester.
Upholding Brady's suspension at four games - the same punishment Greg Hardy received for assaulting his fiancee - is equivalent to the punishment being the same for jaywalking and DUI. The offenses are miles apart and yet the punishment is the same.
As a female fan of football I'm beyond annoyed. Greg Hardy physically assaulted his girlfriend. He put his hands on her in anger and did bodily harm. Tom Brady is suspected of maybe doing something wrong (wherein there is no proof). Every football player should be pissed off on behalf of their mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, cousins, and neighbors.
"Ladies, we value a pigskin more than we do you and your safety. However, we'll gladly wear pink in October like we consider you more than just cheerleaders on the sidelines there for our viewing pleasure." Roger Goodell and the NFL.
I won't pretend I'm not pissed about Brady's suspension being upheld. I won't pretend I'm not seething Goodell more than likely sat around with his thumbs in his ears and waited until two days before training camp to break this news when he never intended on lessening the suspension. It is more probable than not the appeal was nothing more than Rog sitting on his throne using Brady as a court jester.
Upholding Brady's suspension at four games - the same punishment Greg Hardy received for assaulting his fiancee - is equivalent to the punishment being the same for jaywalking and DUI. The offenses are miles apart and yet the punishment is the same.
As a female fan of football I'm beyond annoyed. Greg Hardy physically assaulted his girlfriend. He put his hands on her in anger and did bodily harm. Tom Brady is suspected of maybe doing something wrong (wherein there is no proof). Every football player should be pissed off on behalf of their mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, cousins, and neighbors.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
I Can't Live Without You
I hate memes. Really I do. I suppose it could be because according to one of my friends I am not a romantic. I'd disagree with him. I am a romantic. I just refuse to buy into the entertainment cliches everyone has been swallowing for years.
In my opinion all of those are a stinky pile of Stella poo. I refuse to date the person who can't live without me. I'd never marry him.
Let's be honest. We all can live without each other. Our lives will go on if the crush/flavor of the week/spouse/longtime significant other/baby mama isn't in our lives anymore. We are perfectly capable of functioning without them. It may hurt unbearably for a while, but we learn to put ourselves together and carry on.
There is no one besides Jesus Christ with whom we should believe we can't live without. It's the truth.
It is my belief relationships fail when we believe we can't live without the other person. Relationships work when we shift our focus from "I can't live without you" to "I don't want to live without you." The difference seems subtle, but it isn't.
I am not talking Romeo and Juliet death pacts here. I am talking about choosing to honor someone's presence in our lives to the point of sacrifice, opening ourselves up to vulnerability with them, and knowing it will be hard at times. Relationships take on a different identity when instead of despair because things are tough, we hunker down (Orlando hurricane term!) and persevere. The reality is sometimes life would be easier without the other person, but rather than "I can live without you now when five years ago I couldn't" we realize "I can live without, but I don't want to."
I'm waiting for the guy I want to spend the rest of my life. I've been proving for over a decade I can live without you. It is time to admit I don't want to anymore.
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