Social Media behavior IRL

"I'd like my friends a lot better if we weren't friends on Facebook."

If we behaved in person as we do in Facebook:

A) Let me share something with you and then like it. It's like stating the same thing twice. I like this dress. I like this dress. 

Irritating isn't it? If I ignored the fact you shared it, you probably shouldn't like it to attempt to bring it to my attention where I'll ignore it for a second time.

B) "I'm so tired and my body hurts but I washed every piece of fabric in the house today, bought groceries for the next year, cleaned my house to hospital standards, and the kids now speak twelve languages." Translated it means "praise me for my awesomeness while I pretend like I'm not begging for a standing ovation." 

See me not like your post which is oozing false modesty. If you actually said it to me, I'd ask if you think you earned a gold star or a cookie. Posting it on social media isn't going to lessen the transparent attempts at back patting.

C) Spouse posting on spouse's wall. "Have I told you today I love you?"

If you have to ask then I am going to recommend you find a good marriage counselor. Stop posting it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagam, etc. Look your spouse in the eye and tell them you love them. I promise you they would rather hear it than read it. Why? Because the eyes don't lie but the internet does. Don't waste the energy writing a post when someone is waiting to hear the words.

D) Message everyone and their brother's cousin's nephew's sister's babysitter.

If you text me in a group message, it'll get deleted quickly. If you have a message for me, please send it to me and not the entire world. 500 people on Facebook don't appreciate being part of a message thread. The first message might have been important but all the subsequent are probably irritating. I'm going to miss important facts when I leave the conversation which I'll do faster than a speeding bullet.

E) "I've had a really bad day and I can't talk about it, but I'd like it if I could get off this ride now."

You are screaming for attention. If you don't want to talk about it, don't post about it. If you called me and said "something horrible happened but I can't talk about it." I would ask you why you bothered to bring it up. If you don't have the guts to say something then don't even make like you want to. 

I don't beg. If you want to discuss something, I'll let you bring up the subject. If you don't want to talk about it then I'm going to tell you Stella's latest trick. 

F) "I woke up this morning after having great dreams last night." "My coffee was amazing." "My drive into work took ten minutes longer than usual." "I got to work and am drinking my second cup of coffee." "The boss just got here. Let me pretend like I'm working." "Lunch time already? Should I have a salad or rice cakes?" "This afternoon is dragging." "I just had my fourth cup of coffee." "Should I cut my hair?" "I'm thinking about getting a new car." "Wow! Today flew by. Time to go home." "Stuck in traffic and I almost got caught picking my nose." 

Translation: I'm a narcissist with too much time on my hands. 

If you called or texted me as often as social media got updated, I'd be banning your number. I don't have time for a play-by-play. Stick to the highlights. It keeps people interested. By the third or fourth update, people have lost their interest. By the seventh or eighth, people don't care. A couple of days later and you'll be unfriended.

G) "I'm selling this amazing new product. See me post about it fifteen times a day."

G&F are closely related. However, if you are trying to run a home business, your friends and family might become your best customers. They aren't likely to support you if they've hidden you for repetitiveness. Mix it up. 

H) In a past life I was a donkey's saddle with a Spanish flare from the 70's.

Personality quizzes should be posted in moderation. They are the same as chain mail. I'm so glad most people have stopped forwarding "Open within ten minutes and you'll be financially secure for the rest of your life." Those got deleted without being opened. 

I) Phone buzzes with a text/ "Did you see my Facebook post?"  

If it is important enough for me to need to know, then make the effort to let me know. Social Media is like a billboard. If you have a message, only those travelling the road see the billboard. This doesn't mean you should post to every platform. It means important information shouldn't be shared utilizing inconsequential media platforms.

J) Share everyone else's photos and status updates, but never share anything about you.

This seems to oppose the argument in I, but why should I be friends with you on social media if you aren't represented. Post about yourself. Don't post every ten minutes. Don't only post about one topic. Don't be vague. If you are proud your child won the spelling bee, then let the world know. However I don't want to know if your neighbor's cat's mother's lizard is missing. 

K) Treating your profile like you are an unofficial member of the news media.

Life is happening all around us. The world today seems intent on imploding. While we all should be aware of current events, don't just share a thousand links from news outlets. Have an opinion besides "OMG!" Otherwise I'm going to believe you are an educated adult aware of the world around you. I have no need for a Facebook Tom Brokaw. I also have no desire of proof you aren't an educated adult. 

L) "I have the best family, house, car, pets, wardrobe, friends, plants, leaves on the trees outside, kitchen sink." Thus Facebook tells us. However, a phone call paints a different picture. 

If you are going to be on social media, be real! Because your friends might begin to wonder if you are a liar or determined to keep up with the Joneses. I'm far less likely to be happy for my friends when they don't appear to be telling the truth. There is a fine line of honesty in social media. Don't oversell or undersell. Stop selling! Try being yourself. 

M) "When is my life  not going to suck? It has been 124612154622134589621335 days since I've smiled."

Straight talk. I only have so much patience for negative people in my life. I feel obligated to listen to my friends who are on the phone or sitting across from me. Social media makes it very easy to press mute. If life is handing you a tough time, find a way to make something positive out of it. 

N) Let social media become the only way you stay in touch with your friends. 

N saddens me the most. I don't feel the need to call my friends because I know everything about them from Facebook. Most of my friends are represented in this list. The saddest part is close friends aren't close anymore because social media is killing the art of friendship. What used to be beautiful and organic is plotted and manipulated. The song of long conversations has been silenced for 140 characters.

O) "Some people need to learn how to treat others. You know WHO you ARE after all I'm commenting TWO seconds after you posted a STATUS update."

Don't pretend to have the balls to call someone on the carpet for something if you are only going to do it on social media. Social media is not a clothes line so stop airing the dirty laundry.  Be an adult and a human and deal with it one-on-one. I won't respect what you are saying if you say it on social media. It'll get ignored.

P) Retweet "You are so awesome and the prettiest, loveliest, kindest, most talented person to ever person."

If someone has something kind to say to you, respond by and show your appreciation. Favorite it. Don't retweet it. Your ego grew two sizes and I'm searching for a pin to pop the bubble.

The art of being a human is slowing becoming a lost art. We are now social media shadows of ourselves.

It Is 2015.

There is something refreshing about New Year's Day. It isn't the day off from work or the Rose Parade.

January 1st brings the feeling of a reset button being hit. 365 loom ahead full of possibility and potential. There is room for hopes and dreams. There are more days to make it a great year than to wish it away.

Because my mind won't shut up

and people keep doing things to set off more thoughts.

There are days I wish I could sit down and speak with Adam Cappa. He's very caught up in posting about relationships. While I admire his focus on God, he has a running theme regarding relationship memes.

I know my confidence comes from God. My parents raised me to read my Bible and attend church not plaster boybands on my walls and attend concerts. They wanted my foundation to be in Christ. They never wanted my identity to be bound to another human being.

Apparently though my confidence/strength in God has caused an intimidating personality. I'm still trying to find a Biblical answer to balance out confidence in Christ and an approachable spirit. I'm not even sure how to identify the two aspects. I can't say kindness or gentleness because I do believe I possess those traits. Apparently I am only a threat to guys interested in dating me. Despite my insecurities I apparently don't need to lose some weight or dress differently to be physically attractive. If I was diagnosed properly the other day, it isn't my physical body at all which is the deterrent. It is me - the inner workings of my mind, the character traits I've acquired, and the knowledge I've gained.

Insecurity says it isn't the outside which isn't please to men; it is the inside.

Which blows everything out of the water for me. Because while I've been fighting the physical attraction battle. Apparently I should lay down my sword and surrender because I need a guy who is going to react phyically to me because everything else isn't a good package.

The cartwheels are now somersaults.

Damsel In Distress

otherwise known as working things out in my head.

I haven't been reading much recently. First there hasn't been much time. Work has been beyond busy. Second honestly despite some of my favorite authors having new releases, I am just not interested.

I'm still working on a project, but I'm stalled. It isn't writer's block, but a lack of focus. The completion of this project probably won't reduce the terrifying aspect of me nor have me branded a hopeless romantic.

In the same conversation I was informed I am terrifying, I was also told I am not a romantic. Oddly enough I began to think about many of the books I immerse myself in. I enjoy almost everything by Susan May Warren and I enjoyed the The Heart of a Hero series. A romantic heart does beat in my chest. I also find though many woman can write romantic stories which can captivate a woman.

Let's lay it on the line though. Most authors don't write books about 5'10" sturdy girls (aka not Victoria Secret model material) who know more about football than most men. When you factor in the independence and confidence, you don't have a good damsel in distress. If an author writes about a woman nearly six feet tall then the male lead is at minimum 6'2". A lot of the times the male lead is almost a foot taller than the female lead and strong. He's the anchor when the wind threatens to blow her anorexic butt off the ground.

Then you have some type of tragedy which sends the girl into DID (damsel in distress) mode. A death, car accident, horrible break up, etc are the catalyst for the woman needing a man to be her strength. I'd rather not have to attend a funeral for a guy to witness my tears and swoop in and save me. I can't think of who I'd sacrifice in order to gain a Prince Charming.

Where are the stories about a relationship which occurs organically? Why does true love only happen after someone has been kidnapped? Why must my soul mate be waiting for me at the site of a plane crash?

You're confident.

Can I tell you a secret? I was told my confidence is intimidating to the male species. The secret is I'm confident despite my many insecurities.

A friend informed me I scare him and I terrify a friend of his. I've spent weeks trying to wrap my mind around why. The other day I was told it is because I'm confident. Apparently confidence is one of those PC answers people give when asked what they find sexy in someone they are attracted to. It sounds good when you say it, but when confronted with someone who is confident most people have no idea what to do. The Knights in Shining Armor seek out their Damsels in Distress because it strokes the male ego.

The truth of the matter is I'm confident, but a lot of my confidence comes from the reality of I live without being someone's other half. I was raised to not seek the approval of others. My parents brought me up to honor God in all I do. Which means I haven't changed myself in order to gain the attention of someone I'm attracted to. My purpose in life is not to land a man, but to bring glory to God. In thirty-four years I've spent more time handling everything than I have being taken care of.

Side story: I was about 25 when a woman well into her forties wanted to know if I was married. I told her I wasn't. She wanted to know if I was engaged. I told her I wasn't. She wanted to know how long I had been with my boyfriend. I told her I didn't have one. She was amazed because I was "so content" for being single. I was completely baffled at the time. She was on a date with one of my co-workers who she met while she was on a date with someone else. She left with my co-worker while her date was in the bathroom. I couldn't relate to her at all.

Tonight I'm sitting here as my thoughts do a complete floor routine in my head. When I think I've got it all figured out I realize I'm cartwheeling and my feet are off the ground.

A few months ago I was introduced to a guy. He seemed like a great guy. We had great conversation and a great time when we were together. However, I could tell I was too much for him. My "confidence" was overwhelming to him. He needed someone who needed him as badly as he needed them. There was an awfully lot of needy in there. I wasn't the girl for him. I was upfront with him from the beginning about who I was, but he seemed convinced we'd be a good match. Until I didn't live up to the picture he had in his head. He disappeared in a cloud of dust. Didn't even bother to tell me why or let me know we'd be better of as friends. He simply went radio silent.

My confidence took a hit. Even though I knew we weren't going to be a forever couple, it hurts when you are rejected even if you know it is the right decision. However, it has set me into a tailspin. Because there is a guy who I could see myself spending a significant amount of time with and it having a different outcome. However, I guess I'd have to tone down who I am if I want him to approach me. Which I can't do. I briefly tried to be someone I wasn't and it didn't work for very long.

The truth is I want to be cared for. In some ways that does mean a mutual needing of each other. However, my confidence is a shield. Let's be honest. It is the truly cocky people who lack insecurity. It is the people who walk around believing they are better than everyone else who don't throw up shields. They have other issues to deal with. I do want someone despite at the moment not needing someone. It wouldn't be me though if I ran around throwing myself in the way of a runaway car so I could be rescued.

My confidence is my shield because it does hurt knowing the next few days I am going to be alone. It is lonely to a certain level. While I can enjoy some peace and quiet and maybe put the mental brakes on, the silence can grow deafening. It is painful to know there isn't someone out there who is willing to set aside some time to watch a movie or go to the store with me. No one is going to call because they simply want to be near me. Most of my friends are already with their families. The others will soon be so they are in the rush of holiday planning. The reality is I have to accept these facts. I could sit here and cry about it, but what will it accomplish? Someone won't magically appear to wipe my tears.

So rather than cry tears which will flow unseen, I'll remember I don't need a guy to affirm who I am. I'm not really terrifying. I'm just terrified to give in to the sadness which would overwhelm me if I dwelled on the empty space next to me.

The truth is I wish there was someone next to me. Someone wanting to be there. I wish someone would see beyond the confidence to the girl who would appreciate being cared for. However, I want them to want me for who I am and not for the less-confident-but-more-attractive version I sometimes consider conforming myself into.

This my friends is my confidence conundrum.

Bridge to Haven

Bridge to Haven by Francine Rivers

Francine Rivers is an author in a league of her own. Rivers takes excerpts of Scripture and writes a parable. Bridge to Haven is another to add to her stellar list of God-honoring, well-written works.

Abra is abandoned within minutes of her birth. The newborn is left under a bridge in the town of Haven. Pastor Ezekiel Freeman discovers her during his early morning prayer trek through town. Despite his wife's delicate health, the Freemans adopt Abra. Until Abra is five she knows nothing outside of having loving parents and a brother, Joshua. When Marianne Freeman dies, Pastor Zeke is forced to make the hardest decision of his life. He asks Priscilla and Peter to adopt her. Suddenly Abra has two parents and now a sister, yet her five year old  mind can't understand what she did wrong to make Zeke not want her anymore.

Thus begins a pattern in young Abra's life or so she sees. Penny, her newly adopted sister, soon becomes jealous of her. Zeke pulls himself farther away in order to make the transition easier for Abra. She only sees Josh on Sundays, and then he's drafted and away for three years. Despite the leading of the adults in her life, Abra can't understand why God would or should care about her. Her heart becomes ripe for the enemy's picking as her fears of abandonment blossom.

Cue Dylan. Dylan is the extremely handsome new boyfriend of Penny. Abra takes one look and she's both jealous and intrigued. It isn't long before Dylan drops Penny and challenges Abra to leave Haven behind. Her desire to be wanted and Dylan's smooth ways soon have her visiting the worst places California has to offer. Dylan keeps her around longer than he has any of his other conquests, but it more the challenge because Abra never adopts the attitude of worshiping Dylan. Eventually he does want to trade her out so she's passed over to another man.

Franklin Moss has other intentions for Abra besides the sexual pleasure Dylan sought. He sees potential in her to make money. Soon Abra Freeman is gone and Lena Scott is born. Her beauty captivates audiences as she begins making movies. However, Franklin's motives turn more selfish and he eventually marries her to control her.

After years of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse; Abra is ready to resurface. The foundation laid by Pastor Zeke and the people of Haven is still strong. Abra eventually leaves Hollywood behind with no destination in mind. A series of hardships fall on her and she ends up in the same town as Joshua Freeman who has spent five years praying she'd return to him. In a desperate attempt to get Josh to leave her alone, she confesses all her sins and only finds forgiveness. His forgiveness becomes the bridge to Haven.

Bridge to Haven is a masterful tale of the power of forgiveness and the lesson faithfulness. God's timing isn't always our and we can't always see His plan, but it is there and we need to trust. No matter how much sin separates us from God, the bridge to Him is the length of the cross. Always the length of the cross. The cross is never too short nor is it too long. It bridges the gap to His loving presence.

How Do You Serve?

There was a time when I could have cared less about politics and politicians. My attitude was they were elected they must know what they are doing so let them do their jobs. I turned 14 (rough estimate) and my attitude changed. My opinion on them was they are all liars, cheats, scum willing to sell their mother for a vote, and impotent (not in a way which can be solved by Viagra) although more than a few are creepy.

My opinion hasn’t changed much since I was 14. I believe now more than ever our elected officials are destroying the sandbox they are playing in. The problem is the sandbox they are playing in is my country. They are messing with the United States of America. Although we’ve really shortened it to America as we haven’t been united in a long time.

News channels run programming 24 hours a day and it is enough to make Pollyanna need anti-depressants. While every country has its ups and downs, we seem to be sliding down a steep slope of destruction. Some might say things could definitely be worse. We could be bombing our neighbors in retaliation for the bombs they dropped on us. I believe it is worse. We are destroying ourselves like a deadly disease from the inside and sometimes there is just stupidity among us.

I don’t believe we should introduce anarchy. We need laws, those who enforce the laws, and someone to guide us in the right direction. Although I still strongly believe it begins when we are taught respect as children. There needs to be an authoritative figure, but I also believe as citizens we have the right to question authority. I’d go so far as to say we have a responsibility to keep them in check. 

Right now America is spinning out of control. We don't know who to believe because we want to believe the best of our nation's leaders yet our citizens are dying on foreign soil as well as in our own country. Two sides blame each other instead of working together. If you have a different opinion than others, you will be discriminated against. Acceptance is taught but not offered. You can't take anything at face value because lies are spoken more frequently than the truth.

In the middle of it all a group of citizens is serving, fighting, and dying to preserve the integrity of this great nation. They believe in our country regardless of its current state and will give anything and everything to see it continue on. We are repaying them by laying them off and allowing them to die while waiting for medical treatment. It sickens me to think of how we are showing our gratitude. Politics creates chaos which in turn is harmful to all. 

Family folklore says my uncle enlisted and arrived three days before he was supposed to. They gave him a shovel and told him to move the pile of dirt from one spot to another. He did. They then told him to return the dirt to the original spot. He did. He went on to serve our country. They only needed to keep him busy until the rest of his group arrived. There was no rhyme or reason to what they'd asked him to do. I wouldn't have made it the three days. I'm opposed to wasted efforts and expending useless energy. I'd have never survived military life or I might have become the first person to break the drill instructors. However, it doesn't mean I can't serve my country.

I believe now more than ever citizens need to make a concentrated effort to educate themselves. I've heard ridiculous reasoning for why people vote (he had the cooler name, color of skin, he's from a particular state, the other guy talks funny) and reasons why people don't vote (couldn't find my polling place, didn't know what day it happened, my one vote doesn't matter). I wasn't wired to serve in the military. Ask anyone who knows me. I don't take orders well. I don't quietly perform superfluous duties. I question. I demand more. I want to dig deeper. Because I said so isn't an acceptable reason to me. 

My method of serving looks different. I don't salute or wear a uniform; good thing because I hate ironing and I can't imagine those military corners on bed sheets. I've adopted multiple soldiers over the years and subject them to my ramblings. I guess in the desert any letters regardless of how random they appear are welcome. I vote. I honor those who died and take inspiration from how they lived.

My service is I won't just ignore politics because I hate the players and the game. I won't blindly trust. I won't watch a rom-com instead of the news. Today's actions affect tomorrow and the days following. Opening our borders or closing our borders will have lasting effects. Trading terrorists for soldiers will impact our future. Allowing politicians to stranglehold our country while its citizens burn in others won't be tolerated. A government flexing its muscles like a frat boy trying to impress the sorority girl will be frowned on. 

I'll keep writing to soldiers deployed to deserts too. They make for a captive audience.  ;)