I have caused pain. I never meant to harm him. He was a friend, a best friend at that. I had a decision to make that could possible send the bridge of our friendship crashing to the water below.
You see he was my childhood best friend. We met before we were old enough to understand the difference between the two of us. We have grown up together. He potty trained while I took baths. I made mud pies and he ate them while we played house in the backyard.
As we got older our bodies and feelings began to change. It was different though in each of our lives. He was my best friend, I did not see him as a member of the opposite sex. I talked to him about everything regardless of subject matter.
He however had grown up and seen things differently. What a fool I was! I had no clue about his feelings towards me.
When we were 8 and 9 his mother used to introduce us as "her son and future daughter in law". We would giggle and argue but it never really meant anything to us. At 13 and 14 it was a pain. at 15 it was his dream.
We were forever being thrown together by the people around us who claimed that not a cuter couple lived. We fought those that pushed us together. Rather I fought and he used one arm to push me away and one arm to pull me closer. We eventually gave in to those pressures and became a couple.
A few months later I could not deny what my heart was telling me. I had gotten into this relationship for all the wrong reasons and now I was going to do the inevitable. I broke up with my boyfriend and at the same time lost my best friend. I cried myself to sleep every night for weeks hating myself for making him cry. I knew what I had done was right but it hurt him, I had broken his heart.
It took nearly two years to put our friendship back together. Even then something was still amiss but I figured it was the wounds that still needed to heal.
I was naive and did not realize that he was holding out hoping that we would one day be together again. I am unwittingly hurting him day after day. How do I tell him once again that the feelings are not there and that we are better off as friends.
It is simple you break his heart once more, it is not easy but it is the only choice you have.
