Your One Beauty

In Little Women Jo, the main character, needs to raise money for train fare to send her mother to the side of their wounded father. She was sent to be money from their spinster Aunt. Jo instead goes off and sells her hair for $25. When she returns home with the generous sum of money, everyone asks how she attained it. She whisks off her bonnet and says "I sold my hair." Her youngest sister, Amy's response, "Jo, your one beauty!"

I've had ridiculously long hair for years. I was blessed with a natural blonde color that managed to be not only shiny but also hard to attain from a bottle. If there is one area in my life that I'm vain about it would be my hair. I'm not opposed to throwing it into a ponytail, but I have to admit having shiny hair that nearly reached my waist was a mark of pride for me.

Tonight I chopped it all off.  A good friend is a wonderful hair dresser and I went and allowed her to chop it to just below my chin. I had no hesitation doing it because she saved a foot long ponytail for Locks of Love. I'm sure there are days ahead when I'll regret doing it, but I won't regret that my hair is giving a child a wig.

Submerged

Submerged by Dani Pettrey.

This story sucked me in with its intrigue. I'm not sure if it was the e-reader format or simply the style of writing but at times scene changes and time jumps were unclear. 

Bailey Craig returns to Yancey, Alaska after the death of her aunt. Bailey left Yancey years ago and swore she'd never return. The death of her aunt is the only reason she'll return. Her return surfaces painful memories for herself and Cole McKenna. 

A mystery unfolds as Bailey and Cole discover that her aunt's death wasn't a tragic plane accident but murder. As they rush to find Russian treasure before the murderers, they must face their past.

I'm looking forward to more in the Alaskan Courage series. Cole's family seems to have a knack for adventure much like Dee Henderson's O'Malleys

Apple Picking

Trinity

Trinity by Ronie Kendig. First in her Military War Dog series.

To sum it all you, you need to run out and buy all of Kendig's books and just immerse yourself in them.  Kendig plots masterful stories but also shines a spotlight on our nation's heroes both the two-legged and four-legged variety.

Trinity and her master, Heath "Ghost" Daniels have been given medical leave from the Army and are putting their lives back together. Ghost suffered a head injury that prevents him from serving.Through God's divine plan Ghost and Trinity end up at A Breed Apart Ranch where they begin a new chapter. Their new goal is to return to Afghanistan only this time they'll be doing informational tours. They'll be doing exhibitions to educate soldiers on the MWD's capabilities. While they are there Darci Kintz is doing recon and is taken prisoner by the Taliban. Ghost and Trinity return to action as the only ones capable of finding Darci and bringing her home.

Kendig weaves intricate plots and details into her stories. You'll be riveted as you wonder who exactly Darci is and what role did she play in being taken by the Taliban.  Can Ghost, Trinity, and the team sent after her find her or will she be lost forever?

My advice read it for yourself. There isn't a recap, review, or synopsis that does this book justice.

Lethal Legacy

Irene Hannon finishes out the Guardians of Justice series with Lethal Legacy

Detective Cole Taylor is used to following the clues. This time though his gut is telling him the clues aren't adding up. Kelly Warren visits his precinct convinced her father's death wasn't the suicide the cops claimed to be but murder. Cole can't pass up a chance to look into the shaky evidence she presents especially since Kelly is so adamant. As Cole follows the clues, Kelly's life is put into danger. Someone wants her to stop digging into her father's death. The more Kelly uncovers the more questions she has about her father. It all comes to a dramatic finish when the killer put into play his final move and Cole has to rush to put the clues together before it is too late.

A satisfying end to the Guardians of Justice series. We've fleshed out the Taylor siblings and their passion for justice. Each is driven by their own motives to see justice done but yet they harbor the same goals. Another excellent suspense romance by Hannon.

Full Disclosure

Full Disclosure is Dee Henderson's first book in a looooooooooooooooooong time. As one of my favorite authors, I have been anticipating this book for years.

Full Disclosure is remarkable storytelling that fans of Dee Henderson have come to expect. She introduces us to FBI Agent, Paul Falcon, and Midwest Homicide Investigator, Ann Silver. Both highly respected in their fields and running in many of the same social circles, yet they are unknown to each other until Ann brings a case to Paul's attention. Their initial meeting sparks an investigation that will change both their lives and a relationship that will last for the rest off their lives. This isn't an action-packed novel like some of Henderson's previous works. In this book the action doesn't take center stage but appears to be sidelined for a story that is based on trust. You will be treated to an investigation that spans thousands of miles, lots of cups of coffee, and a few months. When you think you've figured it out, you'll be back at the drawing board just like the investigators. 

Ann Silver has many high-profile friends in her circle. She's the top of her field and respected as a cop, author, and pilot. She's also happily ensconced in her life as a single woman. Paul Falcon is the oldest son of a high-profile family and yet he chose to become an FBI agent until he steps in to run the family empire. He's come to the place where he's ready to slow the action-filled pace of his life and settle down. What I found most interesting in the love story of Full Disclosure is that any reader can probably see aspects of themselves in both Paul and Ann. Ann fears commitment and is content with her life. Paul isn't content, wants more, and is ready to make that commitment. How do you convince someone who isn't ready nor thinks she will ever be ready to be a wife that she is the one you are choosing? How do you convince a great guy that his interest in you is misplaced? How the relationship plays out and the trust that grows between them was really quite beautiful to read. In particular there is a wonderful exchange between Ann and Paul that introduces Lovely so marvelously that I re-read it multiple times. 

As twists and turns take you on a ride through Full Disclosure, you'll notice yourself asking the hard questions about trust. If you've ever read any of Henderson's other books, you'll certainly fall in love with Full Disclosure. If this is your first time reading one of her books, you'll find yourself racing out to buy her other books.

A love like that

How adorable are these two? They walked the track for the Survivor Lap at Relay for Life in 2012. They held on to each other as they slowly made the way around the track. I took a few pictures of them before I couldn't focus because I was struck by the fact that they are both wearing survivor shirts. I don't know the details of their illnesses, but whether they were diagnosed at the same time or on separate occasions, their strength is inspiring. Together they held each other up while they battled their cancer and together they took their victory march.  

Rejection

The month of June was not a great month for me.  At least it wasn't for the part of me that is dictated by my human nature was rocked to the core.

On June 15th I was informed that I'd be laid off from my job.  There is a long back story and while the lay off wasn't much of a shock the reasoning behind their decision to lay me off was.  I was informed I wasn't good enough.  Major blow that I had to come to terms with. As I struggled to understand how I wasn't good enough despite my reviews and the wonderful recommendation letters I received, I was already wounded so I believed them.

A week before I found out that I'd be laid off, I was bored.  A bored me is a thing to be frightened of.  Usually I just contact one of my good friends and we plot and plan worldwide domination and then we get distracted and life goes on.  I digress.  This is what happens when I get distracted.  Back to my point.  In the midst of my boredom I decided I'd give online dating a shot.  Or not really a shot.  More like a quick peek from my peripheral so no one would know I was looking.  I was rejected on online dating too.

The part of me running completely on my human nature immediately began licking my wounds.  I painted on my brave face and struck out to face the world.  The online dating rejection or "ODR" as we are going to call it wasn't exactly public knowledge.  The lay off was.  I couldn't exactly hide that as I began packing my four dozen photos from my cubicle to take home.  And for a few weeks I had to face people who expressed their sympathy for my circumstances.  Yet, I pretended that it didn't hurt.

I'm a liar.  It did hurt.  Because I failed to measure up both professionally and personally.  There was something wrong with me that made my company discard me and guys fail to find me attractive.  So I stewed and I contemplated.  About the time I was preparing to move to a country with far less blondes than the US (joking!), I grasped on to one simple truth.  God wanted me!

He wanted me when He created the world and plopped Adam and Eve in paradise.  He wanted me He sent His Son to die for my sins.  He wanted me when I weighed my options between what the world offered and what He offered and I chose the world.  He wanted me when I repented and He wanted me when I did it again.  He wanted me when corporate America didn't.  He wanted me when some single dude with a cracked out user name didn't.  He wants me today.  He'll want me tomorrow.

The other lesson that I learned was that while my employer might have told me I wasn't good enough, I had the proof that I was. I didn't need to believe their lies. My brain accepted their lies and through the tears I struggled to understand. When I stepped away and didn't listen to their harsh words but saw their agenda, I knew that their lies were unfounded. I had done all asked of me and then some. I wouldn't give them the power to stifle my confidence.

So to the world I may not be their definition of desirable.  I'm not employed today and Facebook says I'm single but God says He wants me.  So I'm going to grasp on to Him because He has great plans for me.

Re-visiting "ing"

It's been a while since I had reason to compare dating and interviewing.  I've spent the past two years in a job that I've mostly liked and always appreciated.  The dating thing hasn't been that consistent but I have left the entity of dating alone for a while.

As time passes it is normal to reevaluate and consider your position on the things in life that are negotiable.  Dating and interviewing are both being called into question in my world these days.  I may find myself once again having to interview as my company is downsizing in the next few months.  Dating is being called into question because I'm finding the desire for a family of my own to be growing.

I'm not excited to be unemployed.  I hate trying to sell myself.  There is so much pressure to be the "right" candidate that one wrong word can have your resume hitting the circular file and you have to go do it all again somewhere else.

I've also had to reconsider my position on dating.  I've never enjoyed dating as it is commonly executed.  I've had friends who have stayed with their significant others until someone better came along even though they weren't really happy in that relationship.  I've probably taken dating to the further extreme and not dated someone that I might enjoy spending time with because I can't see myself with them long term.

I can't revert completely to arranged marriages but I am not sure I'm ready for this 21st century dating. In the past couple of months two people that I know have had success with online dating.  I gave my two cents about online dating not too long ago.  I've had to reexamine though to see if I was missing the picture.

Honestly I am not sure where I stand.  I deactivated Facebook because I was being harassed by someone that I knew as a good guy but the computer screen gave him more courage than a six pack.  I began reducing the "social media" in my life and  yet found myself drawn to a website to see if I could mingle until I met a match.  I wonder if I didn't just defeat the purpose of deactivating Facebook to increase the personal contact in my world.

I signed up to see if I could mingle online.  I think as much as I'd like to say I'm a confident, independent woman who is with it, I'm not sure I'm advanced enough for online dating.  Maybe I am an old fashioned girl underneath it all.  I'd like to say that I'm progressive but I am thinking I'm not quite as far along as I've convinced myself.  The more I read about relationships the more I believe that the man should be the instigator.  I'm not going to smile, poke, and prod someone into speaking with me in an attempt to discover if he is the one.

For the future I think I'll leave the job search to the internet and the opportunities to meet guys to the close encounters of the personal kind.

Adam Cappa

Minor review on a new artist.

I am in no way shape or form a musician.  I can't sing.  I can't play an instrument.  I can't keep a beat to dance.  I do know what I like though for music and I've discovered another new artist getting repeat plays on my iPod.

Adam Cappa got his start opening for Jeremy Camp.  There is no greater recommendation in my estimation than to have Jeremy Camp voice his approval for your music ministry.  Then I read somewhere that Adam Cappa not only opened for Camp but was being compared to him.  I had to get his album.

Cappa's The Refuge is right up there with a Camp album.  The Refuge is a nice collection of worship songs and uplifting pop songs.  From the encouraging Perfect to the attitude of worship in  How Worthy there is something for everyone.

The highest praise I can give Cappa is to say that I created a playlist on iTunes and labelled it 'Jeremy and Adam" and it is the most played playlist by far.

Self-doubt

What prompted this honesty?  Truthfully?  I battled a lot of self-condemnation recently.  Why?  Because there is no harder critic than your own self.

I've reached the age where I wonder more often than I should what God's plan for me is.  By this I mean is there a guy/wedding/marriage in my future.  At 13 if you'd told me that I'd be 31 and unmarried, my younger self would have laughed maniacally at you and told you to wait to be proven wrong.   Now at 31 I wrestle with self-doubt.  

What is wrong with me?  Am I not loveable?  Am I not attractive?  Is there something wrong with my personality?   Should I lose weight?  Cut my hair?  Wear flatter shoes?  Wear higher heels?  Wear more skirts?  

Logically, I know none of those things are the proper answer to the improper question.  When the doubt takes over though they are all the answer.  

Then I start to wonder if maybe I missed "him."  After all I could have been going through life at 75 mph as I normally do and jetted right by.  I view the world through the viewfinder of my camera and maybe he was just off to the side and I didn't have a wide enough lens.  Then I think of the "him(s)" that I had in my life and I know that I haven't missed the boat with any of them.  Which brings about the accusation that I am just too picky and need to chill out.  

Logically, I know this is not it either.  The problem comes when I try to apply logic to the emotional side of me and that emotional side rears its ugly head.  Emotionally I can convince myself that it is me.  It isn't that it wasn't the right time or in that moment that God's plan was still percolating for my love life.  I believe that if I change myself that I can create opportunities for those dreams to come true.

Yet, I know that it isn't for me to write my story.  God has been planning, plotting, and executing since before I was born.  I need to silence the lies of the devil and remember a few key verses.  The best way to improve my chances of marriage is to draw closer to God and walk in the truth that I am "fearfully and wonderfully" made by His hands.

Firethorn

The final installment of Ronie Kendig's Discarded Heroes Series.
Nightshade
Digitalis
Wolfsbane
Firethorn


Nightshade has operated under the radar. No one knows of their existence. They've gone where no other military team has gone before. Except someone knows they exist. Griffin Riddell has been sent to prison for a murder he didn't commit. While in jail Nightshade headquarters is attacked and the team is separated. Some are sent to countries where they will be punished for their crimes. One is being held in a hospital with life-threatening injuries. Two are underground and no one has any idea how to contact them including their wives.

Kazi Faron breaks Griffin out of prison and they go on a hunt around the world to reunite Nightshade. As the layers are peeled back, things aren't what they seem. Has a member of Nightshade been a mole? Who leaked information that no one but the team would know?

This explosive and thrilling final chapter is impossible to put down. I needed to know that all of Nightshade was well and who could have possibly been targeting them. The ending is realistic - too realistic - I cried.

Look for Kendig's Military War Dog series coming soon.

Blowing up perception

If you've read any posts prior to this one, you'll notice that I've waxed poetic, critiqued, rambled, and essentially subjected you to more words than you've probably cared to read.  Things aren't about to change.

However, this blog is about to take a turn.  Not really a 180 or even a 90.  There will probably be more posts than before and while the book reviews and randomness will continue, there will be more concentration on real life.

I've recently become impassioned by a handful of separate incidents but they all were linked by a common thread.  I'm highly annoyed and frustrated by the false appearances that Christians seem to exhibit but also demand.  The world has this impression that Christians are boring and perfect and close-minded and the list goes on.  Christians have this impression that the only way to be a good Christian is to be perfect.  Our role models are to be perfect.  Our pastors are to be perfect.  We are to be perfect.

I'm here to tell you that I am not perfect.  I am a Christian. I am saved by grace and I struggle with sin daily.  As my friend tells me I have a potty mouth.  It is true; I won't lie.  I also am not always courteous with my thoughts and as today was a great example I definitely had un-Christian thoughts towards some of my co-workers.  I struggle with self-doubt.  I internalize pain.  I've been known to have a drink or two and depending on your circle that to some is not very Christian-like.

The truth is that Christians are human just like you and everyone else on this planet.  I'm tempted.  I anger.  I feel pain.  I say things I don't mean.  I need to ask forgiveness and I need to grant forgiveness.  Two of my good friends have said things to me that make me realize that our perceptions can be wrong.  One of my friends asked me if I ever wanted to have sex or if being a pastor's kid meant I was never tempted.  The other compared me to Jamie Sullivan of A Walk to Remember and as I told her 20 minutes later when she knew me better she wouldn't think that anymore.

In the future you'll find more honest, revealing posts.  I'm not out to prove or justify my sinful nature.  If I can help one person rethink their perceptions on Christians then I'll have exceeded my hopes.

Wolfsbane

The third book in Ronie Kendig's Discarded Heroes Series.
Nightshade
Digitalis
Wolfsbane

Sibling rivalry. When you grow up in a large household it is bound to be there. When one brother is a Coast Guard, Range, and the other appears to be a surfer, Canyon, then a clear victor is chosen. However, Dani Roark is about to throw the balance out of whack.

Dani is held for months, tortured, and raped in Venezuela. Her proudest moment is when she sneaks a memory stick with all the information necessary to put an end to her captors. She is picked up by Range and the Coast Guard during patrols. Her victorious moments are short-lived as she deals with the fall out of her imprisonment and then has to testify.

Canyon's Nightshade team is picked to go back to Venezuela with Dani. Canyon and Dani are separated from the rest of the team and the danger mounts.

Will one woman come between two brothers? What other secret is Canyon about to find has been kept from him?

Set aside a couple of days. You'll not want to put the book down once you start reading.

Digitalis

Digitalis is the second book in Ronie Kendig's Discarded Heroes Series following Nightshade

Colton Neeley is a member of Max Jacob's Nightshade. Cowboy is a Marine. According to him he is a damaged cowboy whose joy comes from his daughter, Mickey. Oh and he likes to hang out at a department store and catch glimpses of Piper Blum. As Piper and Colton venture down the path of discovery will Piper's past destroy everything that Colton has built? As Nightshade intervenes to save Piper can Cowboy forgive her?

Ronie Kendig is gifted. Many authors use the words "hero" when describing series. However, Kendig's characters are heroes. They are the men and women who fight for our freedom daily. The battle wounds they carry can be deep and yet their courage and bravery is unmatched. Grab the Discarded Heroes Series and understand our service men and women better. Then go tell them "thank you."

Nightshade

http://roniekendig.com/

Nightshade is a story about a man lost.  Max has no direction after leaving the Navy SEALS.  He lost his purpose when his anger drove his wife, Sydney, to file for divorce.  He's recruited to a covert team that will be completing missions that no government agency will touch.  He reluctantly joins the team and concedes the divorce without a fight.

Sydney is a broken-hearted woman.  Sydney is now pregnant and a few months from her divorce being final.  She hasn't told Max about his child.  Her family pushes her farther away from Max with their support.  Sydney is earning though to find the man she married and give her baby a father.  She buries her head in the sand concerning her own life and throws herself into her journalistic duties.

Max's missions take him all over the world rescuing the helpless in areas untouched by civilization.  Sydney gets wind of a story of a survivor of a brutal village attack.  Max and Sydney living their lives separate from each other are drawn into the other's world.  Sydney's investigating takes her into the very center of Max's latest mission.   As Max fights to save lives, Sydney and Max fight to save their relationship.

Kendig orchestrates a suspenseful tale full of heart.  Sydney is a woman torn between her desire to protect herself and her desire to love and be loved by her husband.  Max is a man who has seen too much, done too much.  They both fight the past and what it means for their future.  Max while viewing himself as a monster is a sympathetic hero.  Someone asked to do what no one should be asked to do and yet he has gone and done it repeatedly.

I'm ready to move on to the second book in the series Digitalis.

Deadly Pursuit

Irene Hannon continues her Guardians of Justice series with Deadly Pursuit. 

Alison Taylor has attracted some unwanted attention. Someone is calling and not identifying themselves. Alison doesn't give much thought to the phone calls until they become more frequent and gifts start appearing on her door. One night she returns from a date with Detective Mitch Morgan and he doesn't easily brush the gifts off.  Soon Alison's brothers, Cole and Jake are involved. Who could be stalking Alison and what do they want? Despite taking all precautions Alison is kidnapped.  Can Mitch and Cole save her?

Hannon dazzles again with another story of intrigue and action. Continuing the story of the Taylor siblings, the Guardians of Justice shows us the sacrifice it takes someone to fight daily and the risks they are taking.

Fear

I'm not a fearful person.  I'm not really fond of chickens and chihuahas but that is because both have chased me.  I'm not scared of spiders and snakes but I don't wish to have close encounters with either.  I don't particularly care for heights and stairs but I can definitely handle them.  I don't do fear.  I've also never stared down the barrel of a gun before or wondered if I'd reached the end of my life.

I don't understand though people who are full of fear.  Some people are scared and their fear is justified.  I'm talking about people who don't know how to save an Excel spreadsheet and are too scared to learn how.  They've never done it before and now isn't the time to start.  I've been labelled a tech guru by many people in my life because I have an understanding of computers. I'm self-taught and if I don't know I google.

Is this a metaphor?  I don't know.  I don't live my life in fear of pushing a button on the computer.  I need more sympathy for those who do.

Fatal Judgement

irenehannon.com

Fatal Judgement, a novel by Irene Hannon, follows in the footsteps of its predecessors.  A great suspense novel with faith and action interwoven.  Deputy Marshall Jake Taylor finds himself guarding the widow of his best friend.  Liz Michaels, a judge, just found her sister dead in her home.  Jake will be part of her protective detail until they determine if Liz was the target or if it was a random robbery.  Jake will conduct himself as a professional but he has ill feelings towards Liz based on his friendship with her deceased husband.

As time goes on Liz's life is in danger and Jake begins to realize that his perceptions of her were incorrect.  Jake is in danger of losing his heart and Liz is warming to the deputy marshall.  Can Jake keep her safe or will he lose his heart and Liz?

Another excellent story by Hannon that balances heart and action.

Minus 4 wisdom teeth but a little more wise

Yesterday I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed.  I was dreading it because I have the type of imagination that envisions the pain-killers not working, over-sized pliers out of a rusty tool box, and a geyser of blood.

I wouldn't volunteer to go through it again but God and I had a great couple of hours.   The procedure wasn't nearly as bad as my imagination had made it out to be.

During the procedure I had my iPod.  I'd created a "worship" playlist that was nearly four hours long (just in case because I was imagining my butt would never leave that chair).  While in the midst of a worship time with my King I made a correlation between my time in the chair and our sinful nature.

Despite knowing that what was being done to me should/would hurt I felt nothing more than some manuevering in my mouth.  What I knew should bring pain and eventually would was nothing more than an irritant.  As I lay there and the drill would come out I'd turn up my iPod and drown out the sound of the tool with worship songs.  If things quieted down I'd turn it down a bit but remain deep in the presence of God.

Isn't that how life should be?  If the procedure becomes the sin in our lives then don't we need to drown out its influence with the presence of God?  Don't we overpower it with the grace of God and trust in Him to see us through?

Temptation seems to be at an all-time powerful these days.  Everywhere we go we are bombarded with images, sounds, messages that aren't honoring to God.  We need to turn down the influence of the enemy and immerse ourselves in God's presence.  He's always waiting for us if we'd only turn up the volume and ignore the temptations surrounding us.