"I have high standards."
"It is ok to be picky and keep high standards."
"Don't settle!"
Those three statements and any variation regarding high standards are the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to me. While the general idea of high standards isn't a deplorable one, I believe it is a safety net for many people. It is the pat answer when adult singles explain why they aren't married. It is a blanket statement when problems within a relationship can't be identified.
I don't believe you should settle. I believe you should have God's standards.
I do believe you should have standards, but they should be driven by an intimate relationship with God. Over the past few weeks I have been helping a friend through a difficult season in her relationship. As a single thirty-something I mostly don't feel qualified to offer advice. However, I possess two amazing parents who gifted me with a childhood immersed in God's presence. As an adult I had to make the personal choice to maintain my relationship with God or let it go by the wayside. Thankfully despite the increased distance between God and I at times, He has always welcomed me back with open arms. While I don't have a marriage to give me practical experience to garner wisdom from, I do believe God gives us the wisdom to discern when we can't determine up from down. I do believe there is sufficient evidence in the Bible that settling is not what God has for any of us.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
However, we need to identify what "settling" means. Settling is what happens when you choose someone because you are impatient waiting for God's timing. Settling is when you know compromise on God's plan for your life. Settling is what happens when you tell God the what-what instead of listening for His guidance. Settling is what happens when you don't see a hope and a future so you find your own future.
"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you..."
Isaiah 43
If you prefer to call it high standards, I won't stop you. Maybe I'm picky. Maybe I'm a dating snob. Maybe I'm exlusive. Maybe I'm setting the bar too high. I am okay with whichever way you choose to describe my unwillingness to compromise on God's standards. The plans God has for me far outweigh whatever I could dream up for myself.
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
Thursday, June 2, 2016
What's the big gesture?
I get irritated with my friends a lot. I get irritated with books and movies even more. I really get irritated by influential bloggers who are educated on relationships by TV shows.
The following dialogue is from Chasing Liberty which sets the scene for the final swoon moment before "they lived happily ever after" scrolls and the credits roll.
The following dialogue is from Chasing Liberty which sets the scene for the final swoon moment before "they lived happily ever after" scrolls and the credits roll.
"My father was always at work. Never at home. My mother wanted him to make the
big gesture."
"What's the big gesture?"
"You know 'I'll quit for you. I'll stay home for you, darling.' But he didn't.
Because... Well, people don't really do that, do they?"
I have no problems with Chasing Liberty. I probably watch the movie once every year or year
and a half. It is an entertaining hour and a half. However, it is entertaining and not a lesson on
life, love, and behaving like a President's daughter.
If you are waiting for Prince Charming to perform a grand gesture so you can wear glass slippers
and a pretty dress, I fear you will be waiting a long time. A successful relationship doesn't require
an overwhelming act of sacrifice to be sustainable. A declaration of love isn't more true because
it was dragged on a banner behind a plane. The feelings aren't deeper because they are sung
rather than said.
A cliche which happens often in entertainment is the musician boyfriend writing a song for his
girlfriend. A moment like this may be considered a gesture. However, as someone who has had
two guys write songs for her, I can tell you it isn't as romantic as the movies make it out to be. It
can be awkwardly painful when it leaves you speechless because running away screaming isn't
an acceptable response and neither is pretending to feel the same because of the romance
of the moment.
I hear "I love you" when a guy watches a movie I know he has zero interest in and does it
without complaining. I say "I love you" by listening to his music in the car. I hear "I love you"
when he carries more of the grocery bags than I do. I say "I love you" when I surprise him with
a coffee. I hear "I love you" when he picks a restaurant he knows I like.
If we are always waiting on a grand gesture, we are missing the moments which add up to a
wonderful relationship. A grand gesture sometimes is nothing more than a desperate plea to
save that which is already beyond repair.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Deflategate isn't about shrunken footballs...
The more I think about Deflategate, the more I realize the issue is larger than unaltered footballs losing some PSI in January in New England. We probably wouldn't be inundated with more Deflategate stories if Goodell would put away his ruler. However, another NFL off season is going to be spent saying "balls" to the entertainment of pre-teen boys everywhere, but we won't be referring to footballs.
The ramifications of Deflategate are going to be felt for years. However, they probably will be most volatile and intrusive when negotiations begin for the new CBA around 2020. You see Roger Goodell recently let us know Tom Brady's punishment wasn't about an actual infraction (Of which there is no proof of guilt) but of The inflation of Goodell's balls.
The ramifications of Deflategate are going to be felt further than the mockery Goodell has made being commissioner of the most popular sport. You see Article 46 in the hands of someone who truly cared about the reputation of the NFL would be honored, revered, and respected. Article 46 in the hands of someone with integrity wouldn't be the first item on the table when negotiations start.
Instead Article 46 will probably be the catalyst for another volatile negotiation between the NFLPA and NFL. Goodell's actions are going to neuter future commissioners. When the future Greg Hardys and the Ray Rices of the NFL stand before any commissioner AGSU (After Goodell's Screw Ups), they will face a commissioner emasculated by Goodell.
Who is going to suffer?
The fans who will wonder if a CBA will be reached. The unprecedented Article 46 will be tightly held by the NFL because they won't want to cede the power. The NFLPA will be seeking fairness and accountability of which there currently isn't any.
The children with dreams. Tom Brady was once beloved. His Cinderella story was embraced by every athlete dreaming of their own fairy tale. The 199th pick gets a chance to play a few games. His drive and determination kept him under center and propel him to the Hall of Fame.
The parents. Every parent who has ever wanted to believe their child is capable of greatness. Every parent who deals with a coach who tells their child they aren't good enough. Once upon a time they could have told the story of Tom Brady and how no one believed in him, but he believed in himself.
The stereotype of the dumb jock. Goodell's message is science doesn't matter. Football is more important and doesn't follow the rules as science dictates them. Science has no place in football.
Teachers. Everyone who has spent time and money on educating children. The idea what they learn in school will transcend to their adult life.
The players who will play in fear of when the target may hit their back. Rest assured if you are a child abuser, woman abuser, drug addict, or drunk you probably can breath easy. After all these actions are expected of professional athletes. If you are a mostly stand-up guy who doesn't have more than a speeding ticket to your name, then you had better fear the Commissioner.
The reality is if Goodell had the balls he believes he does, he would concede the science proves there was no tampering. He was wrong. A man is capable of identifying when he is wrong and admitting it. Goodell keeps digging in and proving deflated balls weren't a one-time occurrence is January 2015. The natural deflation which took place in the winter in New England wasn't caused by any person. Goodell's current inflation problem is all on him.
There is no coming back from this for Goodell. As a football fan I am tired of paying the price for his buffoonery. As a female fan, I am tired of being disrespected by the League. As an intelligent person, I am tired of the League continuing the trope of sports and brains don't coincide. As a human being, I hate the downward spiral society is taking.
My love of football wanes every off season. Especially when the League has plenty of other ambassadors for the stereotypes. The League doesn't need Goodell to perpetuate the stupid.
The ramifications of Deflategate are going to be felt for years. However, they probably will be most volatile and intrusive when negotiations begin for the new CBA around 2020. You see Roger Goodell recently let us know Tom Brady's punishment wasn't about an actual infraction (Of which there is no proof of guilt) but of The inflation of Goodell's balls.
The ramifications of Deflategate are going to be felt further than the mockery Goodell has made being commissioner of the most popular sport. You see Article 46 in the hands of someone who truly cared about the reputation of the NFL would be honored, revered, and respected. Article 46 in the hands of someone with integrity wouldn't be the first item on the table when negotiations start.
Instead Article 46 will probably be the catalyst for another volatile negotiation between the NFLPA and NFL. Goodell's actions are going to neuter future commissioners. When the future Greg Hardys and the Ray Rices of the NFL stand before any commissioner AGSU (After Goodell's Screw Ups), they will face a commissioner emasculated by Goodell.
Who is going to suffer?
The fans who will wonder if a CBA will be reached. The unprecedented Article 46 will be tightly held by the NFL because they won't want to cede the power. The NFLPA will be seeking fairness and accountability of which there currently isn't any.
The children with dreams. Tom Brady was once beloved. His Cinderella story was embraced by every athlete dreaming of their own fairy tale. The 199th pick gets a chance to play a few games. His drive and determination kept him under center and propel him to the Hall of Fame.
The parents. Every parent who has ever wanted to believe their child is capable of greatness. Every parent who deals with a coach who tells their child they aren't good enough. Once upon a time they could have told the story of Tom Brady and how no one believed in him, but he believed in himself.
The stereotype of the dumb jock. Goodell's message is science doesn't matter. Football is more important and doesn't follow the rules as science dictates them. Science has no place in football.
Teachers. Everyone who has spent time and money on educating children. The idea what they learn in school will transcend to their adult life.
The players who will play in fear of when the target may hit their back. Rest assured if you are a child abuser, woman abuser, drug addict, or drunk you probably can breath easy. After all these actions are expected of professional athletes. If you are a mostly stand-up guy who doesn't have more than a speeding ticket to your name, then you had better fear the Commissioner.
The reality is if Goodell had the balls he believes he does, he would concede the science proves there was no tampering. He was wrong. A man is capable of identifying when he is wrong and admitting it. Goodell keeps digging in and proving deflated balls weren't a one-time occurrence is January 2015. The natural deflation which took place in the winter in New England wasn't caused by any person. Goodell's current inflation problem is all on him.
There is no coming back from this for Goodell. As a football fan I am tired of paying the price for his buffoonery. As a female fan, I am tired of being disrespected by the League. As an intelligent person, I am tired of the League continuing the trope of sports and brains don't coincide. As a human being, I hate the downward spiral society is taking.
My love of football wanes every off season. Especially when the League has plenty of other ambassadors for the stereotypes. The League doesn't need Goodell to perpetuate the stupid.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)