Thanksgiving is 72 hours behind us. As quickly as it became history we immersed ourselves in shopping for the holiday season. Black Friday brings us shopping lines miles long just after midnight. We marathon shop, burning off the calories we devoured as we kicked off the holiday season. A two day break leads us into Cyber Monday. It's the 21st Century answer to Black Friday. It's the answer to keeping pace with the changing times.
Anything we could possibly want is at our fingertips. Including, but certainly not limited to, a spouse. No matter what your taste there is someone out there. And there are a variety of sites to choose from to meet your specifications. As much similarity as there is in dating and interviewing, there are striking similarities to shopping for a pair of boots or a new husband in one browser.
No matter what website you are looking at there is the option to join a mailing list whether you are getting boots or a man. You can also set your preferences so that you only receive suggestions that will appeal to you. No booties. Yes, to the guy who enjoys football. No heels higher than four inches. No, convicted felons. Yes, to the black, brown, and gray boots. I only want to see guys who want kids. No, to the guy who has more piercings than I do. Banker? Boring. Mechanic? Dirty. Yes, yes, yes. No, no, no. You can build a profile tailored to stimulate your fancy.
Of course this can also work to your advantage as you describe yourself. I am so a size 6 jeans. I'm arm candy. Yes, I'd look great in spandex because there is not an ounce of flab on me. Usher would freakin' love me. He sings about me all the time, "measurements was 36-25-34." And yes, I can work it. I am sure I won't get a muffin top if I go with the hip hugger jeans. No, I don't have any emotional baggage from the last piece of crap I dated. I am completely content with myself and don't pop diet pills to lose another three pounds so I can fit into my skinny jeans.
Every site you shop on is going to offer you images too. You can pull up a picture of that purse you want and zoom in to see the pattern. Your e-mail announces you have new matches and six of the eight have photos. If we can't see a good picture of what we are looking to buy we are more than likely going not even give it a second glance. Who cares if there is a 100% review rating and everyone is claiming this is the best purse you'll ever invest $175 in. It doesn't matter that the potential suitor wrote from his heart and really laid it all out there and previewed his soul. Nope. We move on to find something that we are "attracted to." We won't discuss that there are no reviews for potential suitors. I'm sure that'd be entirely unfair. However, for some it might help. "I know his profile picture looks like a mug shot but he is so much cuter in person."
Internet shopping makes it easy to shop around because there are no eager sales people/suitors to look in the eye as you reject the product/them. With one click you can move on until you find something that you like better. These boots are almost what I want, but I'm not in love with them. Let's head over to DSW.com because I got a coupon in my email. He's 6'1", makes over a hundred grand a year, drives a BMW. Crap. His favorite band is Metallica. Who listens to that crap? Next? Oh look this one loves quiet walks on the beach, dancing in the rain, pina coladas, and apparently crappy 70s music. Next. Holy crap!!!! Payless is having another BOGO. Should I get these? I don't really love them but they are 50% off. Even if I don't love them I didn't spend that much on them. And if when they arrive I hate them, I'll just return them.
Yet, the thing missing from internet shopping is the personal experience. Going into the dressing room and trying on the jeans. Finding out that yes, you are a size 8 and your butt looks fab in those jeans. Sitting with a guy and realizing that his favorite movie is Fight Club, and you freakin' hate it but you'll sit with him anyway just to be with him. Pulling on a pair of shoes and realizing you need a half size larger so you can wear warm socks though the winter. Talking to a guy covered in car grease who has a really great smile and will clean up nicely if he just uses that goop that smells like oranges. Spending time with a friend going through every rack and just enjoying a few hours of girl time. Learning to change the tire on your car not because he'll ever make you do it but because it means you get to be together.
In the past week I've received four pairs of boots in the mail. (Shut up! I beat the crowds even the ones doing the online shopping.) The first two pair that arrived I didn't get too excited over. I've worn one pair and I'm debating returning the other. I received two other pair today and I can't wait to wear them to work tomorrow. The hardest part is going to be choosing which ones to wear and then finding the clothes to go with them. I'm pretty sure that everyone else would appreciate it if I wore clothes with the boots tomorrow. It was hit-or-miss with them. I always had the fail safe of returning them which probably helped to keep the apprehension at bay as I hit the "submit order" button.
It is a lot harder to return the guy. When you've brought him home you can't just throw him back in the box and send him back. The boots will never know they didn't have a home with me. Someone else will come along and take them home. (Surprisingly there are more woman that I thought that have feet as large as mine.) Guys are more like puppies. They may not eat your shoes but they'll complain about how many you have. They have to be fed, watered, and encouraged to bathe. And they have a tendency to know when you've about reached your limit. They'll turn those sad eyes on you and offer up a lick (the puppies get your mind out of the gutter) or an apology and you can't help but give them one more chance. They'll end up staying until they've grown on you and you can't imagine your life without them. Even as you walk them in the middle of winter in the middle of the night in the middle of a snowstorm.
Yes, I turned 30 a month ago. No, I never thought on my thirtieth birthday I'd be single. I figured by now I'd be married with at least two kids or maybe four. Somehow though I can't bring myself to browse the online dating websites looking for "The One." I'd probably miss a great one because it is so much easier to be shallow when you are reading a profile. And despite the probably massive number of grammatical errors that are floating around in this entry, a large pet peeve is misspellings and lack of punctuation. I'd move on quickly if there were no definitive paragraphs. I may buy my boots online but maybe if I start buying them in stores there'll be a chance encounter in aisle six with a really great guy that doesn't look good on paper but is beyond irresistible.
