I dreamt last night and woke up this morning scared that I had ruined my life. There are a million sayings about dreams, some are simple while others make no sense. "God made the stars that we might know how high our dreams may soar." Follow your dream, unless its the one where you are at school naked." "A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep." That last one is the one that this morning has me freaked out of my mind. I never imagined that a Disney cartoon would leave me breathless and wondering.
You see in my dream were people yet to meet, places yet to be seen, actions yet to be performed, desires yet to be fulfilled. I was walking along a busy street. It was a foreign street to me. There was a river that snaked its way along beside me. Cafes and shops lined the street. It looked like a street in Paris. People were not familiar until I ran into a face that seemed to be from the distant past. An ex-boyfriend who I had put out of my mind stood before me. We caught up on old times and the happenings of our now separate lives. The more he talked the more I wondered why I had broken up with him. Hours passed and it seemed like the years that we had been separated had never happened. He invited me to dinner to see his new place. I agreed and left excitement brewing of a fresh start.
A few hours later I stand outside his door. Hours of nervous excitement had caused my mind to wander. During my walk I envisioned candle light and his confession of undying love. I took a bath to ease the tensed muscles and memories of picnics, concerts, bike rides, basketball games came to mind. I raised my hand and knocked on his door. I fully expected to see him but was unprepared for the sight that met my eyes.
A gorgeous woman stood before me. Her green eyes sparkled as she greeted me like an old friend. She took my coat and ushered me in. She hurriedly explained that my ex was taking the dinner out of the oven since she could not do heavy lifting since she had entered the third trimester of a difficult pregnancy. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and offered my congratulations.
Dinner is a blur. I must have done a good job of hiding my feelings of shock and dismay because neither commented on it. The obvious love in his eyes for her and the adoration she showed him was blinding in a warm way. I left that night confused and scared. All of the sudden the finality of all my dreams with him were dashed and the truth hit me in the face. He was no longer mine.
I woke up from that dream scared and confused. When I broke up with him I knew it was for the best. Our lives were going in two separate directions. He was pursuing his music and I was working towards my goals in life. My heart was broken when I woke up that morning what if I had made the biggest mistake of my life? Did I easily throw away the one thing in life that I needed? Memories cloud my thinking. A weight has settled on my shoulders. The urgent to return to him gnaws at my good judgment.
