Dating and interviewing-I’ve come to the realization that a first date and an interview have too much in common. I don’t particularly care for doing either.
Both can be highly stressful because you’re walking into unchartered territory. There is a good chance that in both cases you’ll be completely out of your element. With dating there is a chance that both of you will be out of your element but that is not guaranteed nor the case with interviewing. You arrive for a job interview and you’re on their home turf. The air is energized in their favor and you’re the underdog. (Maybe this is why the Super Bowl is played at a scheduled field and not in a team’s home stadium. I digress.)
Before the commencement of the interview/date is the prep work. This usually (and hopefully) includes a bit more care with personal hygiene. Before my interview the other day, I did Mary Kay Satin Hands & Lips, shaved my legs, mowed the eyebrows, a moisturizing face mask (also MK if you must know), plucked a few stray hairs that wandered down to the facial zone, and washed the clothes I planned to wear. While watching the Red Sox beat the Jays I touched up the paint job on my nails (hands and feet!) and treated my cuticles. I debated trying to get in to see the hairdresser but alas there wasn’t time so I crossed my fingers that I would have a good hair day.
The morning of requires an extra allotment of time in the bathroom. It usually isn’t a problem getting the aforementioned extra minutes because sleep is an elusive dream the night before. Panic about oversleeping or forgetting something or having just the right words to say prevents a drifting into la la land. So you start the day a bit more tired than you should and with a little extra baggage under the eye that you fight with beauty products during that extra time in the bathroom.
If you are lucky you can migrate directly from your prep time to your date/interview. There is a chance though that you’ll make an extended pit stop along the way like to your current sentence to jail. You’ll spend all day trying to figure out how to explain why your current job or former date (and not current date because that is priggish behavior) isn’t working out without sounding like that whiney toddler from Rugrats. You’ll be distracted and hoping that no one suspects just in case you don’t wow them or you forgot deodorant and they don’t dare to meet with you again. No one needs time to consider their surroundings and to wonder if they are out of their league. This place is too professional. I've only ever flipped burgers. He's too good-looking to date a woman like me.
PSA: While you only get one chance to make a first impression it is important to remember not to judge because sometimes the best presents come in packages that are entirely misleading. End of PSA
Eventually we get to the main event. It is the scheduled time in which you put your best foot forward and go out there and get ‘em, tiger. The universe has worked against you all day in attempts to prevent you from arriving calm, cool, and collected. Traffic was horrible. Every red light came out in your honor, causing you to worry it was an omen. You miss your turn and wonder if you should keep going in the wrong direction. You give yourself a mental pinch and when that doesn’t work you wind up for a strong mental slap and arrive. Every inspiring quote you can remember is muttered as you finally leave the car. Game on!
You get one chance to leave a first impression. Bugger. What if your collar took on a mind of its own and isn’t straight. Why don’t lobbies have mirrors so you can check these things? You’ve spit the gum out so you don’t look like a cow while talking to the person who could ultimately change your life, but try to keep that minty fresh feeling with a breath mint that clashes flavor with the gum. What really is the difference between spearmint, peppermint, and wintergreen? Doesn’t matter you hope your tongue doesn’t go numb or your mouth dry in protest from the breath fresheners you’ve shoved in there in the past twenty minutes. You wipe your sweaty palms hoping you don’t have to shake too many peoples hands.
If you’re lucky there is no wait. You go straight from your car to the meeting. You don’t have to sit in a quiet lobby, mentally reviewing your game plan. You just jump in headfirst. You don’t want too much time to have a conversation with yourself because yourself is often the person with the bad ideas that get you into trouble. You don’t want to be talked out of going in there and showing them what you’ve got.
Suddenly it is that moment. You’re primed and ready for this. You’re the best candidate they’ll see. You’re the whole package and they’d be a fool not to see it. Handshake number one and the customary “it’s nice to meet you.” That is out of the way. Now comes the getting to know you part. Are they going to ask questions that I want to answer? Are they going to ask questions that I can answer? Am I talking too loud? Too much? Too quietly? Did I answer the question? Did you see that painting on the wall that would look great over the couch. Pay attention! I hope they don’t ask about my current situation. Oh man! They asked the question about my worst trait. Can I lie? Nah, I’ve got to give them something. Who expects an honest answer to this question. “Well, to be honest with you I am terrifically lazy and leave a job before I get fired.” “Do I mind working overtime? Not at all. Whatever I can do to help the team.” Of course I don’t want to be here more than I have to. Are you crazy. What kind of fool do you take me for work pays the bills and play makes it all worthwhile. Don’t talk too much about what you hate out of employers. Don’t talking about the ex because you might tear up. Don’t mention that he cheated on you because you work too much. Definitely don’t bring up that all your huge fights were over money and the fact that you have a shopping problem. The problem is that you don’t have enough money to do it as much as you’d like. It’s best to not mention the jealous ex that you had to take a restraining order out on because that might scare him away. Would it be considered too forward if I mentioned how many kids I want so that if he doesn’t want any we don’t waste time? I hope he wants kids because genes that good need to be shared.
And then it is over. This time you offer a bit of gratitude with the customary “pleasure to meet you.” If you don’t want to be too pushy you offer up a “hope to hear from you soon.” Then comes the awkward what is expected. A kiss on the cheek? A handshake? A “we’ll call you later this week.” What is appropriate? Crap! Why isn’t Miss Manners here to tell me what to do. So you opt for a quick trigger of all of them to keep all the bases covered so as to not fail expectations. Then you get out of there.
For the first time you take a deep breath. You survived. You lived through it. Now you have to figure out if you want to do it again. Would Round 2 be appealing or is it time to walk away while you’re still ahead of the count? If Round 2 is something you wish for then you may analyze every moment over and over for the next few days. You consider each question and response. You mull over each lull in conversation. You wonder if there was anything in your teeth or did you have a bugger hanging off the end of your nose. Did you choose the right shoes or did they convey the wrong thing about you? Would a kitten heel have been professional and conservative or was the four inch heel you wore screaming “tramp.” Should you have said “no room for growth” instead of “had enough of that place?” Next time there won’t be another meeting unless enough time is given to visit the hairdresser.
Instant replay runs on a loop until either the phone rings asking for Round 2 or enough time has passed that your wounded ego has recovered and you’re prepping for another first meeting. While your self-confidence cements itself again you may figure out why it didn’t work and realize that the fault lay in the other party. Either way the first meeting is followed by nerves and a bit of worry with the possibility of the side effect of loss of sleep. This can continue indefinitely until eventually Round 2 happens and gives way to Round 3 which eventually leads to Round 10 and then eventually you reach the point where you can’t remember the last time you shaved your legs and primping is a thing of the past. When you reach that point you hope that everything sticks because otherwise you’re starting over at Round 1 again soon and you’re out of shape and need serious training to be able to go through all that again.
Dating & Interviewing. I’m not really a fan of either. They are too stressful and it takes too long to get past that “first impression” and subsequent “proving yourself” to reach that stride when the true personality comes out. That, my friends, is the true test. When the butterflies have permanently vacated the stomachs and the herculean efforts to be perfect have finally proved to be futile. I’d rather take my chances that someone will like the Round 15 me from the get go than disappoint them when we get to Round 15. Course there is no way to avoid round 1 regardless of if you are looking for a job or Prince Charming. So until I meet Prince Charming and he comes with a gazillion dollars so I no longer have to work then I guess I’ll go through Round 1s for a while.
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