Thursday, July 25, 2002

Compromise

"You ate fries when you should have had onion rings. You said yes way too quickly and it appeared over eager. You got there too early. You drank the wrong beverage. Did you know that you are supposed to be getting at least 6 hours of sleep a night? Do you need a curfew?"

The voice continues as you slowly roll your eyes. You learned long ago to cyphone out through the remarks and only pay heed to the important details. "Your smile seemed too forced. You looked a little more comfortable than is appropriate with that fan. That wave looked questionable. Don't you understand your fans are the ones that made you?"

The desire to bang your head repeatedly against the table in front of you grows when that statement was made. A monotone. emotionless voice is telling you that people that do not know you made you who you are. The pen between your fingers begins to vibrate more rapidly as your actions are critiqued. The thought of chains and thousands of people controlling your actions is scaring you. A groan escapes your lips when you hear the next statement.

"We need to talk about your personal relationships. Some of your relationships will aid your career while others will hinder it."

Your head falls back as you listen to the reasoning behind your need to remain "single". That plant in the windowsill needs to be watered. When was the last time this place was cleaned? Will the person behind the voice get mad if you write in the dust?

"Your mother would be the best choice for you to escort this Wednesday night. We will send a beautician to the house to help her get ready. Shall I have my secretary call her and tell her 3 o'clock?"

You dumbly nod your head as you think of the one person you most want to take. You love your mother no doubt but mom's eyes are not blue like the the Caribbean causing you to lose yourself in them. Mom's smile causes feelings of safety not the electricity. Mom's hands are reminders of the work she put into you not the touch of gold you desire.

"Security has been tightened but you know how the fans can be. Be careful and don't forget to smile until you reach your room."

Don't forget to smile. that smile that half of America's teens are in love with. If it slips you are a jerk however if it remains on your face you are an idol for one more day.

"Photo shoot at 10. Autograph signing at 11:30. Promotional appearance at 2. I guess you can grab lunch after the promos. Eat a good breakfast but not too much you have the photo shoot."

Your mind drifts off to the memories of large fries and a shake at McDonald's. You want dough boys, candy, and potato chips not the fruits and grains that they call food.

"There is a birthday bash in NYC that you have been invited to. You do not know the guest of honor well but it would be a good way to expand your fan base."

Your mind floats back to a few weeks before when your siblings birthday had come and you could only provide a phone call. The $450 you spent at the toy store adn another $150 at some store in whatever city you were in at the time. What city were you in? Oh well the memory of tears in the voices of your family reminded you of just how many birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, and funerals you had missed. Note to self-call mom.

"Remember if you do well over the next few months they'll renew your contract for another two years."

Two years? Could your body and mind take another two years? The invasion of privacy, lack of sleep, and constant demands have already taken its toll.

All of this because you had a dream and signed on the dotted line.

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