High Standards? Picky?

"I have high standards." 

"It is ok to be picky and keep high standards." 

"Don't settle!" 

Those three statements and any variation regarding high standards are the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to me. While the general idea of high standards isn't a deplorable one, I believe it is a safety net for many people. It is the pat answer when adult singles explain why they aren't married. It is a blanket statement when problems within a relationship can't be identified. 

I don't believe you should settle. I believe you should have God's standards.

I do believe you should have standards, but they should be driven by an intimate relationship with God. Over the past few weeks I have been helping a friend through a difficult season in her relationship. As a single thirty-something I mostly don't feel qualified to offer advice. However, I possess two amazing parents who gifted me with a childhood immersed in God's presence. As an adult I had to make the personal choice to maintain my relationship with God or let it go by the wayside. Thankfully despite the increased distance between God and I at times, He has always welcomed me back with open arms. While I don't have a marriage to give me practical experience to garner wisdom from, I do believe God gives us the wisdom to discern when we can't determine up from down. I do believe there is sufficient evidence in the Bible that settling is not what God has for any of us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

However, we need to identify what "settling" means. Settling is what happens when you choose someone because you are impatient waiting for God's timing. Settling is when you know compromise on God's plan for your life. Settling is what happens when you tell God the what-what instead of listening for His guidance. Settling is what happens when you don't see a hope and a future so you find your own future. 

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you..."
Isaiah 43

If you prefer to call it high standards, I won't stop you. Maybe I'm picky. Maybe I'm a dating snob. Maybe I'm exlusive. Maybe I'm setting the bar too high. I am okay with whichever way you choose to describe my unwillingness to compromise on God's standards. The plans God has for me far outweigh whatever I could dream up for myself.

Hope

hope drives dreams. fuels perseverance. brings joy.


I was recently chatting with a wonderful woman of God on Facebook. I've admired this woman for so many years. We began discussing hope. Hope has recently become her favorite word and it has long since been one of my favorite words.

My favorite time of year is Thanksgiving through New Years. Literally that Thursday right on through January 2. It shouldn't be my favorite because I dislike the cold and snow. I hate wearing layers. I prefer the warmth of the sun and flip flops. I believe though the reason I love that time of year is because Thanksgiving ushers in the gratitude that we fail to show year round, Christmas is my favorite holiday and the name explains why -CHRISTmas, and New Years gives us the hope of a new beginning. A hope for 365 days of improvement, love, opportunity.

Hope can renew a weary spirit. I know through many of the trials that I have faced recently, I've allowed disappointment to claw its way in. I often don't live in hope because I wait for the inevitable rejection of a job opportunity that doesn't pan out, a relationship that doesn't go anywhere, or the inevitable withdrawal that happens as lives travel down perpendicular paths.

I have a gypsy past. One of those things that can hinder a potential new job. However one of my favorite feelings in the world is being on a road that I don't know. I don't know where it is going to take me. When I move to a new city there is something exciting about driving a road for the first time; discovering how it will play a part in my life. Will I find a restaurant, theater, new favorite shop? Is this a shortcut to work? I love not knowing but the adventure of finding out.

I know I've been going through a roller coaster season. Hope spring in with a call about a job opportunity and then it disappears and disappointment sets in. There is the hope of a future of being a wife and mother, yet it seems I stand on the precipice. Not invited into this dance yet knowing my time is coming. Regardless, I am going to shove disappointment out of my life and fill my life with hope.