But God

You would think by now that I wouldn't be surprised. Yet here I sit, shocked at how amazing God works things out.

This week I had an opportunity to interview for a position. By all counts this job seemed to be something that I was wasting my time on interviewing for. It was below my pay range, farther from home than I'd like, and only temporary. However, to keep unemployment happy I haven't turned down an interview yet. I trotted myself out for this interview thinking there would be no reason they'd want me because of some prior commitments that would require time off.

Well, I was offered the position. Then I had a decision to make. Take this job, be employed, continue to look, and bring home less than I do on unemployment? Don't take this job, gamble on my unemployment being extended again, hope I get a job before the lease is up on my car, and keep applying to every place hiring?

Ultimately I took the job. Through the temp agency somethings were negotiated so I felt more comfortable with accepting the position.  This all went down earlier this week.

Today I received a letter that unemployment was reducing benefits due to the federal budget cuts. With what was negotiated through the temp agency, I'm making more now working than I would have been on unemployment.

I've spent more than a few hours wondering what God has in store for me with being laid off and then struggling to find work. I've battled a lot of self-pity and muttered more than a few times "do You even have a plan for me?" I wish I could say that my faith remained steadfast and true but it shook in uncertainty at times. I held out hope but hope seems to burrow deeper with each moment the phone didn't ring with a job offer or a request for an interview.

But God

While my hope may have faded a bit and my faith grew shakier, He remained strong. He remained faithful. He remained my Provider. It was all in His timing and when I listened to His guiding, I find myself on the path that He has laid out for me.

Rejection

The month of June was not a great month for me.  At least it wasn't for the part of me that is dictated by my human nature was rocked to the core.

On June 15th I was informed that I'd be laid off from my job.  There is a long back story and while the lay off wasn't much of a shock the reasoning behind their decision to lay me off was.  I was informed I wasn't good enough.  Major blow that I had to come to terms with. As I struggled to understand how I wasn't good enough despite my reviews and the wonderful recommendation letters I received, I was already wounded so I believed them.

A week before I found out that I'd be laid off, I was bored.  A bored me is a thing to be frightened of.  Usually I just contact one of my good friends and we plot and plan worldwide domination and then we get distracted and life goes on.  I digress.  This is what happens when I get distracted.  Back to my point.  In the midst of my boredom I decided I'd give online dating a shot.  Or not really a shot.  More like a quick peek from my peripheral so no one would know I was looking.  I was rejected on online dating too.

The part of me running completely on my human nature immediately began licking my wounds.  I painted on my brave face and struck out to face the world.  The online dating rejection or "ODR" as we are going to call it wasn't exactly public knowledge.  The lay off was.  I couldn't exactly hide that as I began packing my four dozen photos from my cubicle to take home.  And for a few weeks I had to face people who expressed their sympathy for my circumstances.  Yet, I pretended that it didn't hurt.

I'm a liar.  It did hurt.  Because I failed to measure up both professionally and personally.  There was something wrong with me that made my company discard me and guys fail to find me attractive.  So I stewed and I contemplated.  About the time I was preparing to move to a country with far less blondes than the US (joking!), I grasped on to one simple truth.  God wanted me!

He wanted me when He created the world and plopped Adam and Eve in paradise.  He wanted me He sent His Son to die for my sins.  He wanted me when I weighed my options between what the world offered and what He offered and I chose the world.  He wanted me when I repented and He wanted me when I did it again.  He wanted me when corporate America didn't.  He wanted me when some single dude with a cracked out user name didn't.  He wants me today.  He'll want me tomorrow.

The other lesson that I learned was that while my employer might have told me I wasn't good enough, I had the proof that I was. I didn't need to believe their lies. My brain accepted their lies and through the tears I struggled to understand. When I stepped away and didn't listen to their harsh words but saw their agenda, I knew that their lies were unfounded. I had done all asked of me and then some. I wouldn't give them the power to stifle my confidence.

So to the world I may not be their definition of desirable.  I'm not employed today and Facebook says I'm single but God says He wants me.  So I'm going to grasp on to Him because He has great plans for me.

Minus 4 wisdom teeth but a little more wise

Yesterday I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed.  I was dreading it because I have the type of imagination that envisions the pain-killers not working, over-sized pliers out of a rusty tool box, and a geyser of blood.

I wouldn't volunteer to go through it again but God and I had a great couple of hours.   The procedure wasn't nearly as bad as my imagination had made it out to be.

During the procedure I had my iPod.  I'd created a "worship" playlist that was nearly four hours long (just in case because I was imagining my butt would never leave that chair).  While in the midst of a worship time with my King I made a correlation between my time in the chair and our sinful nature.

Despite knowing that what was being done to me should/would hurt I felt nothing more than some manuevering in my mouth.  What I knew should bring pain and eventually would was nothing more than an irritant.  As I lay there and the drill would come out I'd turn up my iPod and drown out the sound of the tool with worship songs.  If things quieted down I'd turn it down a bit but remain deep in the presence of God.

Isn't that how life should be?  If the procedure becomes the sin in our lives then don't we need to drown out its influence with the presence of God?  Don't we overpower it with the grace of God and trust in Him to see us through?

Temptation seems to be at an all-time powerful these days.  Everywhere we go we are bombarded with images, sounds, messages that aren't honoring to God.  We need to turn down the influence of the enemy and immerse ourselves in God's presence.  He's always waiting for us if we'd only turn up the volume and ignore the temptations surrounding us.

According to the Department of Homeland Security I am a terrorist. Never thought I’d be a terrorist. A holy terror has been thrown my way a couple of times, but when you purposely do things to upset your parents I think it is warranted.

The ACLJ sent out information earlier today….

Our country is at war with real terrorists. Now, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security has issued a new assessment about domestic terrorism. Who's on the list ... al-Qaeda? No. Islamic radicals? No. Included in what the government has labeled ''rightwing extremists'' - groups they've defined as ''primarily hate-oriented'' - are pro-life supporters.You've been labeled a domestic terrorist. A real ''danger'' to America.Stand with us in sending a powerful message to the Department of Homeland Security:It's time to target the REAL terrorists - and REMOVE the pro-life community from this warning. Add your name now to the ACLJ's DEMAND FOR RETRACTION to Homeland Security. This characterization is not only offensive to millions of Americans who hold constitutionally-protected views opposing abortion - but it also raises serious concerns about the political agenda of an agency with a mandate to protect America.Engage this issue NOW by signing our online Demand for Retraction and protecting your First Amendment rights. Then, alert your friends and family to this important nationwide campaign by using our website's forward-to-friend tool. Follow this critical issue on Twitter - www.twitter.com/jordansekulow - or on the ACLJ's Cause on Facebook. If you are under 40, I also invite you to visit www.BeHeardProject.com, the Be Heard Project Cause on Facebook, and www.twitter.com/beheardproject to make your voice heard.Thank you for taking immediate action. God bless you.

I’m not even going to get into how ridiculous all of this is. I’m going to avoid the fact that there are people who still burn crosses and wear bed sheets. I’m going to fail to mention that we give people who truly “terrorize” others an all inclusive vacation to Club Fed. It isn’t my place to say anything about the kids who walk into schools with guns and we fail to recognize the signs.

I acknowledge the ridiculousness of Pro Life supporters who blow up abortion clinics (oxy moron?). There are extremists for every belief whether you take your clothes off to promote not wearing fur (they apparently have no problem with skins) or you fly a plane into a skyscraper. You take something too far and you can be ridiculous. You don't stand on your beliefs so no one knows what they are and you probably don't really have them.

All I am going to say is that I wonder if enough of us gather if they’ll send in SWAT. There is something about a guy in knee pads that gets me. They can break up our prayer meetings where we serve brownies, jam bars, and coffee.