Avoiding Road Rage

1) Don't drive.

2) See #1

3) Do all you can to faithfully adhere to 1 & 2

All right so Gibb's two rules for life won't apply for driving. However, there are things to be done to avoid road rage. The following don't apply to preventing your anger during rush hour, but how not to piss off the commuters around you.

1) There are posted speed limits. Yes, you can receive a ticket for surpassing them, however consider them suggestions on what speed you should be doing. Falling too low on the speedometer is a guarantee to get at least one bird flipped at you.

2) If your vehicles in incapable of maintaining highway speeds then your vehicle should remain in the right hand lane. The left hand lane is known as the passing lane. This is not the lane to line up in for a parade. If there are more than two cars behind you within ten car lengths then this is a sign you need to merge into the right lane ASAP without causing an accident. No one appreciates it if you do the beauty queen wave while traveling in the passing lane. A good clue that perhaps you don't belong in the left lane is when people are passing you on the right.

3) If you can't walk and chew gum at the same time without bumping into things or the gum falling out of your mouth then it is pretty much guaranteed that you aren't an effective multi-tasker. Avoid the angry complaints of the car horns by putting down the phone, make-up, newspaper, Ipod, etc.

4) Every car comes equipped with a nifty feature called a blinker. This device can be used to alert other drivers of your intentions. This is helpful as a low percentage of the population is psychic and most who claim to be are usually wrong.

5) Blinkers are especially helpful if you tend to give off the wrong signals concerning your intentions. Example: you pull into the left lane to make a right turn. Turning your blinker on in this case alerts the drivers behind you that you may have obtained your license from a cracker jack box.

6) Attempting to correct your speed after you've spotted a cop is a pointless and irritating action. By the time you have seen the cop the cop has seen you Whether you get pulled over or not will depend more on his mood than the 3 mph that you managed to slow down.

7) If during the course of your travels you end up going in the wrong direction or miss your turn you have a multitude of options at your disposal. U turns can be safely done in approved locations. If it is posted No U turns then it would be in your best interest to not attempt because there is a reason that U turns are prohibited in that spot. If you are in the wrong lane when you approach your turn or exit ramp, only merge into the right lane if it is safe to do so. By safe to do so I mean that your abrupt arrival into the correct lane shouldn't require every other driver to slam on their breaks to make room for you. This will cause a flurry of impolite gestures and words to be volleyed your way.

8) If you are attempting to turn left onto a street that is highly congested take note. No one will appreciate it if you slowly nose your way onto the road and force traffic to stop until someone is nice enough to allow you to go. Find the nearest light and use the light to force the other commuters into allowing you back into traffic or be patient and wait for a break in traffic.

9) Cutting someone off and then going slower in front of them because you realized how close they came to hitting you because of your apparent lack of intelligence isn't going to earn you brownie points. As a matter of fact take yourself right back to Driver's Ed because clearly you shouldn't be on the road.

10) Your brakes don't appreciate being woekn up from a nap abruptly. Everything works better if given a casual build up. Baseball players don't take the field before stretching. Slamming on your brakes is an annoyance to everyone around you. A good majority of the time there is no need for it (unless rule number 3 applies to you).

11) You can pay out the butt for a car that tells everyone you are someone and you make money. The rest of the world will only laugh at you if you manage to turn it into an accordian within a year. Just because you can afford a car that goes from 0-60 in less than ten seconds doesn't mean you need to prove it every time you take to the road. The people who truly care will be appropriately impressed when they see it and the rest of us who don't care won't be impressed just because you flew by us at dangerous speeds or cut us off.

12) If you are so important that you can't be late to your meeting - GET UP FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER and get out the door giving yourself plenty of time to arrive to your meeting on time. A traffic accident will only delay your arrive (if you make it there at all) and cost you money in the long run.

13) If you are bumper to bumper with the car in front of you don't get upset when your coffee gets spilled because they slowed down to turn. Take responsibility for your coffee and give them enough room to tap their brakes without requiring you stand on yours.

Abiding by such simple rules will make commutes for everyone that much more pleasurable for yourself and everyone around while preventing the smashing of your car.