Fenway Fun

1) Is it a prerequisite that baseball players chew sunflower seeds?

2) What if you don’t like sunflower seeds?

3) Is there a proper technique for the disposal of sunflower seeds? It appears to me that you just open your mouth and they fall out. No work required.

4) If they aren’t a sunflower seed spitter, they may be a gum chewer. Do they spit their gum like they do sunflower seeds?

5) Could that be why the running lanes are dirt so that if someone does spit their gum they can cover it so it doesn’t stick to the bottom of their cleats?

6) Is it just me or is baseball the only sport intent on making a fool out of its players? Pitchers cock their hips like women. They all routinely stick their butts in the air. Some wind up while at bat. They adjust themselves on national TV. They spin like tops when they “swing & miss.” And those faces... the throwing face, the stunned face, the victory face (or in Papelbon's case the victory body), and the intense faces. He he he heheheeeeeeeeeee *ahem* Sorry.

7) “Swing & a miss” is the most fun baseball term despite its overuse.

8) The Rookie is the most inspiring baseball movie.

9) I’ve only seen four baseball movies. Field of Dreams doesn’t make the top list because of Kevin Costner.

10) Rookie of the Year is the most fun. I’d like to think of baseball teams being like the team in ROTY towards the end- playing tricks on each other, hanging out, laughing.

11) If they aren’t having fun like the team is at the end and are more like the team in the beginning, then they shouldn’t be playing.

12) Why isn’t there a home run dance? Football has the touchdown dance.

13) Why do umps & refs take all the fun out of sports?

14) Why does baseball have umps when basketball, football, & hockey have refs?

15) How much fun is the word “umps?”

16) Anyone rewritten the Black Eyed Peas “My Humps” to a baseball edition of “My Umps?”

17) You must be very confident in yourself to be a baseball player. While sitting on the sidelines, attempting but failing to not look bored, most baseball players will be caught spitting, chewing their gum like cows, the aforementioned adjusting, biting your nails, swearing, throwing a tantrum like a toddler, or doing what guys do. The entire country could see this because if you make a big enough fool of yourself you’ll land on the highlight reels.

18) You may have to explain to your mother what you were doing on the aforementioned highlight reels. If so take it like a man and tell her the truth. Don’t try and pass it off as something it wasn’t.

19) Apparently there is a technique to adjusting that can’t be studied and learned. Perhaps it is a natural skill that is a signal to parents early on in life they have a ball player on their hands.

20) Minor league ball clubs are broken down by Class AA, or Class AAA which oddly enough is like bra sizes – double A and triple A.

21) Would it be wrong of me to suggest the correlation of the importance of cups to both baseball players and bras?